


Can We Kiss Forever?

by BehindTheRobinsMask



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Break Up, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Heavy Angst, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-12-30 02:55:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18306758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask
Summary: When Dick agreed to be Roy's pretend boyfriend for one weekend, everything was supposed to go smoothly. But instead, a few hours into his fake relationship, he found himself face to face with his ex, the man who walked out on him. Now, Dick is forced to deal with feelings he'd buried deep inside him while Jason just simply refuses to leave him alone, adamant about fixing all he broke.





	1. Hoodie

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Hoodie by Hey Violet

Throwing his keys into the bowl next to the door, Dick eased off his shoes as he listened to Barbara, phone pressed to his ear. Right now, his friend was scolding him for not taking care of himself, a conversation they had almost every week. But Dick couldn’t really be annoyed, not when she was right. If he ran his eyes over his apartment, he’d find disaster in every corner. Maybe at one point, he had control over his life but that was a long time ago and so much had changed since.

“I’m worried about you, Dickie,” Barbara sighed into the phone.

Frowning, Dick flopped onto his couch, feeling guilty for worrying his friend so much. “I’m fine, Babs,” he assured and they both knew that was a lie. But Barbara was in a different city and Dick didn’t know how to change the person he had become.

“Just… give yourself a chance okay? It’s been two years since you and Jason broke up. You need to get over him,” Barbara said.

Gripping his phone tighter than before, all Dick could do was grunt in affirmation. Just the very sound of Jason’s name was enough to ruin his day, his mind reminded of everything he was so desperately trying to forget.

“I have some chores to finish up so I’ll talk to you later, Babs,” Dick said but before Barbara could respond, he cut the call.

He knew that Barbara was busy in Gotham, working as the commissioner of the Police Department. She had worked hard for her position but everyone assumed she got where she was because of her father. This meant that Barbara had to prove the fools in her own department wrong but even so, she made time to talk to Dick at least once a week. It was rude of him to just cut the call on her but he couldn’t help it. Especially not when Jason’s green eyes haunted him.

Even though they had broken up two years ago, Jason had sunk his claws so deep inside Dick, he could still feel him. The way he touched, the sound of his voice, all of it was embedded into Dick’s mind, reminding him of everything he had and everything he had lost. Dick had tried to throw himself into work, teaching more gymnastics classes than his body could handle but at the end of the day, when he returned home and was left alone with his thoughts, all he could think about was Jason.

Needing a distraction, Dick grabbed his laptop and box of tissues. He may be miserable but at least he could relieve stress in a fun way. Scrolling through some videos, Dick finally picked one that seemed a bit interesting and tried to lose himself in the motions playing out on the screen.

Closing his eyes as pleasure thrummed through his body, Dick’s head fell back, one hand stroking his cock lazily. _‘You gotta go a little faster than that, Dickie. If it’s too slow, you know you won’t have fun.’_ A familiar voice whispered in his ear. As if on command, the speed of his strokes increased, moans escaping from his lips.

_‘Play with your nipples.’_ The voice ordered and Dick’s free hand traveled over the expanse of his chest until it latched onto a nipple and rubbed. _‘Twist it.’_ He did just that.

With the voice encouraging him, telling him what he needed to reach that familiar high, Dick finally came, seed spilling over his hand and his chest. For a second, he felt euphoric, all his worries disappearing from his mind but as the moment ended, Dick came crashing back down to Earth. Bleary eyes now open, he could feel cum drying on his chest and shame turning his cheeks red because once again, without even realizing it, he had let Jason’s memory guide him.

 

 

Pressed against the wall of his apartment, Dick fell into the kiss as naturally as flying. His arms wrapped around his partner’s slim waist, slanting his head and earning a moan in return. Nimble fingers slithered down on his back to hover over his ass, waiting for permission which was strange since Jason never had to ask before. To encourage his lover, Dick pulled him closer until they were chest to chest, biting down on his lower lip harder than usual but that was okay. Jason always liked it a little rough.

But instead of being rewarded for his actions, he was suddenly being pushed away, red hair coming into sight as Wally rubbed his lip gently. “Not so rough, Tiger,” he joked and his words immediately brought Dick back to reality.

He wasn’t here with Jason. Jason was gone. He had been gone for years.

“You okay?” Wally asked, brows furrowing.

As if snapped out of a trance, Dick nodded his head, memories of the night slowly coming back to him. It had been his day off and as promised, he had met up with Wally who had recently moved to town for a couple of drinks. In the process of catching up, the two of them had downed more shots than they could handle and cried a little over their exes. Dick had been nursing a glass of some pink drink he didn’t remember ordering when Wally suggested that they hook up. They were both single and still in love with people who didn’t need them so what could possibly go wrong?

Swallowing his own spit, Dick pulled Wally close and kissed him softly. All he had to do was remember who he was with and let his sense guide him. That way, somehow, he’d forget Jason. He’d finally be able to move on. As the kiss deepened, Wally went pliant in Dick’s arms, letting him lead which was such a strange sensation. But it was okay. He could do this. He would do this.

_‘Oh, come on, Dickie. We both know this isn’t what you want.’_ A familiar voice whispered.

Turning all his attention to the kiss, Dick ran his fingers through Wally’s hair and gently pulled his head back, giving his tongue better access. The redhead made a surprised noise but didn’t pull away like he probably should have.

_‘Bet you wish it was his fingers in your hair, pulling just hard enough to cause a little bit of pain.’_

Wally’s fingers slipped under Dick’s shirt, rubbing gentle circles on his lower back, his touch so careful. _‘I’d hold you hard enough to leave marks, just the way you like it.’_ Frustrated, Dick left open-mouthed kiss down the redhead’s neck, biting into his shoulder so Wally would have something to remember him by the next morning. _‘You have to do it harder than that, Dickie.’_

“Dude! What the hell?!” Wally demanded just as Dick pushed him away, hard.

With his red hair, green eyes and amazing personality, Wally could be everything Dick needed in his life. The two of them had practically grown up together and even though Wally had moved away, their bond had been unbreakable. There could be no one who knew Dick better and yet, when he held Wally in his arms, all he could see, all he could feel was Jason.

“I—I can’t do this, Wally. I’m so sorry,” Dick whispered, his breath hitching. He waited for the redhead to get angry but it didn’t happen. Instead, Wally stared at him with sad but understanding eyes.

“I think I’m gonna take off. Are you going to be okay on your own?” he asked and Dick nodded.

On nights like this, Dick would have loved to have someone by his side. He needed someone to assure him that tomorrow would be kinder, that the hole in his heart would be filled someday. But he had hurt Wally enough and his friend had his own issues to deal with.

With a nod, a smile and a promise to meet again, Wally walked out the door. Sinking to the ground, Dick buried his face in his hands, tears slipping from his eyes because he just didn’t know what to do. Jason Todd was a hurricane that had taken Dick by surprise, never giving him the chance to protect his heart. Swept away, the winds crashing against his lips, everything he had known about himself was redefined and he learned to live with that. If he was with Jason, he would be okay. But then, Jason had left one day, leaving behind a broken home and Dick never got the closure he needed to move on.

Left alone with his heart that refused to mend, Dick could only cry until he had no more tears left to shed.

 

 

After coming back from work, the first thing Dick did was take a shower, needing to wash away the memories of the dreadful day he had. He really loved his job but sometimes, dealing with parents was too much of a headache. It wasn’t his fault if someone’s kid decided to do a move he had never taught at home and broken their leg.

Stepping out of the shower, he opened his closet to find something to wear when his eyes fell on a worn out red hoodie. Tracing the fabric with his fingers, Dick wondered if it was time to throw the old thing and even though he had this debate almost every night, he found himself wearing the hoodie and flopping onto his bed. Wearing his ex’s clothes to bed was not a sign of moving on but Dick still hadn’t figured out how to part with the only thing Jason had left him with.

Ignoring his thoughts of self-loathing, Dick had just closed his eyes when his phone started ringing. The ringtone indicated that it was Roy calling which was strange because the redhead usually only liked to text because he couldn’t share memes over phone calls. If he called, it meant something serious was about to go down.

“Dick, you have to help me!” he exclaimed just as Dick pressed the answer button. “I would never come to you with something so stupid but I just… I didn’t know who else to turn to. You’re the only one I can depend on.”

“What’s going on?” Dick asked, cutting off Roy’s rambling.

For a minute, Roy didn’t say anything and just exhaled into the receiver as if he were preparing himself. “I need you to fake date me,” he blurted out in one breath.

Dick stared at his phone, then at the clock and himself. Was he dreaming or had Roy just said what he said?

“Are you high, Harper?”

“God, I wish,” Roy muttered. “Look, I need to go to this weekend getaway sort of thing. Ollie organized it for family and friends and I can’t get out of it.”

“What does this have to do with me fake dating you?” Dick knew that Roy had a strained relationship with his adoptive father Oliver Queen but how was this ridiculous plan supposed to help?

“I’ll get to that if you stop interrupting me,” Roy sassed and Dick was tempted to just cut the call. “The thing is that last week when Dinah called me to check in, she was going on about how I haven’t dated anyone since Kori and I kinda, sorta told her that I had someone.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“I don’t know! I was annoyed! I didn’t think she’d insist that I bring my partner to the getaway. The worst part is that today I find out that Kori is coming as well. If I show up without a date, not only will Dinah kill me but Kori will know I’m not over her,” Roy explained.

Sighing Dick pinched the bridge of his nose. “Is that so bad? Maybe you two could sort things out.”

“It’s not that easy, Dick,” Roy whispered, his voice sounding broken. “Please just come with me and pretend a little.”

Dick didn’t like the idea of lying to Dinah. While Oliver had been an asshole to him most of the time because he didn’t like the idea of an orphan hanging around his son (Oliver Queen was the embodiment of a hypocrite), his wife Dinah had always been kind to Dick. She never judged him because of his background and treated him like family. But Roy had been his friend for years, been with him through thick and thin. It was Roy who helped him pick up the pieces after Jason left.

“Fine. Okay, I’ll help. But if Oliver makes one snide comment about my past-” Dick started.

“You’re more than welcome to throw your drink as well as mine at his face,” Roy finished and Dick knew he was grinning. “Thanks, Dickie. I owe you for this. Big time.”

“That you do, Harper. Now goodnight.” With that, Dick cut the call.

Lying back down, he stared at the ceiling, making a mental list of things he had to do before the weekend. First, he needed to know where they were going and pray that it wasn’t some extravagant overseas trip. He couldn’t afford that and he wasn’t willing to let Roy pay for him either. Second, he needed to take an off from work because he knew he’d need a day or two to recuperate. He had gone to one high society gala and those few hours had been exhausting.

With his list made, Dick closed his eyes, ready to pass out. He was looking forward to this little vacation despite the many drawbacks.

Besides, what could possibly go wrong?

 

 

Leaning against the pillar, Dick sighed and loosened his tie. He was mentally and physically exhausted.

It was finally the weekend and Dick had arrived in Star City with Roy sometime in the afternoon. When he had stepped out of the car, Dinah had let out a squeal of excitement but Oliver looked less than pleased, something that did not surprise Dick at all. After a little bit of chatting, they were shown to their rooms and informed the relaxing weekend would start with a little party for the guests.

Dick didn’t know what about that was relaxing but after a short nap, he had gotten ready, thanking Roy for having a tux prepared for him. While the redhead had promised to stay with him through the party, he had disappeared somewhere halfway through, leaving Dick on his own.

Surveying the crowd, Dick wondered if he could slip away and head back to his room. He was tired of smiling at people he didn’t know.

Taking a sip of his champagne, Dick’s eyes landed on Kori. No one could miss her when she walked through the doors in a beautiful purple gown that hugged her body and flowed behind her. Her fiery hair was set free, curls falling around her face, making her look so perfect that the crowd parted, making way for her. A smile flashed across her face as she noticed Dick and he waved at her.

Roy and Kori might have had a messy breakup but Dick was still friends with both of them. He appreciated that they never made him choose.

“Dick, I didn’t think I would see you here,” Kori said as he pulled Dick into a hug.

“Yeah, didn’t think I’d end up here,” Dick muttered, smiling weakly because he didn’t know how to tell her the reason why he was here. Where was Roy when you needed him?

Wanting to be polite, Dick kept the conversation going and Kori started to tell him about a project she had recently started working on. His attention had been completely on her when his eyes wandered for a second and landed on someone he didn’t want to see, someone he had missed every single day of his life but someone who had ruined him. While his mind chanted no, Dick knew this was reality and he had no way to escape. Even if he did run, he would be found.

Walking with purpose, broad-shouldered and tall, Jason hadn’t changed over the span of two years. He had those same green eyes that threatened to swallow Dick and the same lazy smile.

“It’s nice to see you again, Dick,” Jason said, a shiver running down Dick’s spin as the sound of the voice that haunted him every day.

Dick had missed Jason for the past two years, wondered where things had gone wrong for their relationship to end so abruptly. And now, the man who had broken his heart stood before him, smiling as if nothing had ever happened, smiling as if he wasn’t he one who tore them apart.

“I can’t say the same for you, Jason,” Dick shot back, fingers clenched into a fist.

Anger bubbled inside of him at the sight of his ex because even if Dick wasn’t able to move on, even if he was still in love, he would never forgive Jason for what he did. After all, Jason was the one who promised him forever and then one day had gotten up and walked away, disappearing from Dick’s life without a trace or a reason why.


	2. Dance To This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Dance To This by Troye Sivan ft Ariana Granade

Dick Grayson had loved flying but a single snap changed his life and he was too afraid to spread his wings.

There were times when he lay alone at night and with his eyes closed, he could see a hand reaching out for his own, feel the hammering of his heart in his chest and hear the sickening sound of bones breaking. The day Dick lost his parents, he lost a part of himself. Happy and bubbly were the words people used to describe him but somewhere along the way, jumping from one foster family to another, he didn’t have a reason to smile. He existed because he didn’t want to disappoint his parents’ memory. He lived because the idea of death was terrifying.

With no sense of security, growing up, Dick was always afraid. He was afraid that the nice people who had taken him in would suddenly change their mind. He was afraid that the people who called themselves his friends would one day leave him behind. He was afraid every time he opened his eyes and afraid when the sunset. No matter what he was doing, smiling, crying, laughing or promising someone forever, fear was a constant in his life. Every time a relationship started, he waited for the end, in his heart believing that he wasn’t worthy of love.

And then came Jason Todd.

In Jason’s arms, Dick felt loved and wanted, a simple kiss enough to put his demons to rest. For the first time in years Dick let go knowing that he would always be caught, he would be safe. Dick could finally fly again. But one day, Jason had walked out, letting go of Dick’s hand and letting him fall to the ground.

While Jason had given Dick the world, when he left, he took so much more.

Gripping his champagne flute, feeling the cool wind on his face, Dick inhaled and exhaled slowly, willing his heart to calm down. He knew that if he let his emotions run wild, he would break down into tears and he couldn’t do that, not when so many eyes were watching his every move. He may not have been in the ballroom right now but he still had to be careful. People from the high society just needed the slightest slip up to create stories around.

Knowing that he shouldn’t, Dick gulped down the remaining champagne in one go, a bitter taste filling his mouth. God, why did Jason have to be here? Had Roy known that he was invited? Had this been an elaborate ruse to humiliate Dick, to use his misery as entertainment for Oliver and his guests?

_No. No. Roy would never do that._

Head bowed and shoulders slumped, guilt flooded through Dick’s veins, overwhelming him. Roy had been his friend since they were teenagers. He had Dick’s support, the only person that kept him grounded to reality. The world could turn on him but Roy would never. Exhaling a shaky breath, Dick rubbed his eyes, not knowing how to return to the party now.

“Grayson?”

The hammering in Dick’s chest came to a sudden halt, breath caught in his throat. Slowly, he turned around and found a pair of jade eyes staring at him in shock. In two years, _he_ had grown almost as tall as Dick, shoulders broad and childish features almost lost. “Dami,” Dick breathed, snapping the younger out of his daze.

One step turned to two and soon Damian was rushing into Dick’s arms, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “You’re here. You’re really here,” Damian whispered and the tears that Dick had been trying to keep down now blurred his vision.

After his parents, Dick had never known the love of a family until he met the Wayne’s.

Unlike Oliver, Bruce Wayne didn’t hate Dick on sight. He had been wary around him at first but that was never because of his background. In fact, most of Bruce’s children were adopted, Jason included. Damian was his only biological son which made his relationship with the rest of his siblings a bit strained. That never mattered though. Dick and Damian always had a special bond. Hell, Dick had a special bond with all of Jason’s siblings. But Dick had lost all of that because not only did Jason break up with him but he also banned him from Wayne estate. Dick had no way to get in touch with anyone and the others never tried.

He had been abandoned once again.

“Look at how you've grown.” Dick smiled, taking the younger’s face in his hands.

Frustration flashed through Damian’s eyes as he blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears forming. “I am sorry,” he whispered. “I am so sorry.”

“Dami, no. I don’t blame you for what happened. You were just a kid.” Dick shook his head but that just seemed to annoy the younger.

“I was not a child! You cared for me like a brother and I abandoned you. There are no excuses for that, Grayson. I should have been there. I should have fought harder!”

Dick smiled and hugged Damian tightly, gently rubbing his back. Damian had cared. At least someone had cared. “It was your brother’s decision and maybe he did it because seeing me around after our break up would only make things awkward.”

Damian looked up confused, brows furrowed. “Todd? He didn-”

“Dick,” A voice cut Damian off, making Dick stiffen while the younger pulled away.

There in the distances stood Jason. While he seemed calm, there was an emotion in his eyes that Dick couldn’t place. It was something he hadn’t seen before, at least not on Jason. “I was hoping we could talk,” he said, taking a step closer.

After Jason left, for two years Dick wondered why. Yes, they had fights like any other couple but despite their differences, that had been doing so well. They had loved each other. They wanted a future together. Well, at least Dick thought they did. But one night, as he slept peacefully, Jason had walked out the door, leaving behind a note with a sorry scribbled onto it in a hurry. After that, there was no contact.

And now Jason was here, ready to talk, giving Dick a chance to find answers, to find closure.

Squeezing Damian’s shoulder one last time, Dick walked away, leaving Jason behind and entering the party. Looking for answers meant believing Jason’s reasons, his lies and Dick would never let himself be fooled like that again.

 

 

“There you are!”

Looking up from the bar, Dick noticed Roy who looked like he had just run in a marathon.

Rushing to Dick, Roy plopped down on a chair next to him and tried to catch his breath. “Could I get some water please?” he asked the bartender before turning his attention to Dick. “Dickie, I have to tell you something. Please don’t get mad at me but-”

“Jason’s here.” Dick finished and Roy flinched.

“So you met, huh?”

“Unfortunately.” Dick took a sip of the whiskey that he had ordered while Roy watched him carefully.

“How many of those have you had?” he asked, worried.

A smile spread across Dick’s face and he rolled his eyes. “I have had one glass of champagne,” he answered and then held up his glass. “This is my first glass of whiskey and the last.”

Roy nodded relieved. “I’m just looking out for ya.”

“I know, Harper.”

Silence fell between the two as Roy gulped down his water and Dick turned his attention to his drink. But even then, he could feel the redhead’s eyes on him.

“I really didn’t know he’d be here, Dickie. The last I heard, Ollie and Bruce were still not talking to each other,” Roy said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hey, it’s not all that bad. I got the chance to meet Damian and this time, I’m the one who walked out on Jason.”

Roy snorted and took Dick’s glass from him. “Okay, maybe you’ve had enough.”

Dick pouted but didn’t fight his friend. Roy, on the other hand, finished of the whiskey and then signaled for the bartender. Leaning close, the redhead whispered something in her ear and Dick had to resist the urge to lean in and listen. Whatever it was, Roy would tell him.

“The night may have gone to shit,” Roy said, grasping Dick’s hand as the bartender walked away to do whatever he had asked her to. “We can still do something fun. Let’s dance.”

“Roy, no.” Dick shook his head.

But Roy didn’t let go. “Dickie, come on. You love dancing!”

“I can’t. I haven’t danced since--”

“Since you broke up with Jason which is exactly why you should dance now. Show that bastard you’re fine without him!” Roy exclaimed, pulling Dick to his feet.

Soon a familiar beat replaced the classical music that had been playing. “You ass!” Dick growled playfully, listening to one of his favorite songs playing as Roy pulled him to the floor.

 

_“Young ambition,  
Say we’ll go slow but we never do.”_

 

“You know it.” Roy winked.

And then they were dancing. Well, they were holding hands and spinning each other, just the way they used to back when they were in high school. Usually, Dick would feel insecure, especially when he knew people were watching but right now, all he could see was Roy and the wide grin on his face, laughter bubbling inside his chest.

But soon Roy’s hand slipped out of Dick’s and he was spun into Kori’s welcoming arms. “It has been a while, Richard.” She smiled, placing his hand on her waist.

“It really has Kor,” Dick agreed.

From there, they were doing the waltz, their movements exaggerated but it didn’t matter, not when the two of them were laughing without a care in the world.

“I have missed this. I have missed you,” Kori admitted as Dick spun her.

He was just about to tell her that he had missed her too when Kori let go of his hand. “Until next time,” she said and took a step back, only to be replaced by another familiar face.

“Mind if I cut in?” Tim asked a wide grin spread across Dick’s face.

“If you can keep up,” Dick teased, placing his hand on the younger’s waist and Tim smiled.

“As long as you’re leading, I’ll be fine.”

Really in the mood and since Tim was light enough, Dick lifted him up, twirled him around, doing whatever came to mind. The younger didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he fell into step with Dick, laughing with every move. As Dick went down on one knee, Tim smiled softly. “Life without you has been dull,” he whispered, gripping Dick’s hand.

“I’m here now,” Dick said and for now, that would be enough.

Pulled away from Tim, Dick found himself facing Cassandra and Stephanie. “Our turn!” Stephanie exclaimed. Just like old time, they danced like kids in a playground, holding hands and running around in circles. And as the two girls smiled at Dick, he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders, his limbs light, something he hadn’t felt in years. Thankfully, by now they had moved from the floor in the ballroom to the garden, not wanting to disturb the other guests. Away from the watchful gaze of Oliver’s friends, Dick could finally breathe freely.

“See ya around, Dickie!” Steph winked and suddenly, the two girls let go of him.

Dick had just started to spin and so he lost balance, crashing face first into someone’s chest. Strong arms wrapped around him, steadying him and Dick looked up to thank whoever had caught him only to come face to face with Jason. Green eyes met blue and for a moment Dick forgot why he was angry, memories of their past rushing back to him. This was how he had met Jason, dancing in a bar and stumbling into his arms. After that, it didn’t matter who he danced with, Dick always ended back with Jason, always went home with him.

As Jason’s grip tightened around his waist, with one hand, he traced Dick's face. “Still as beautiful as I remember,” he whispered, finger pressing into Dick’s lip.

Dick knew he should have stopped this and walked away. He had promised to keep his heart safe because he knew it was too fragile to handle any more pain. But then Jason’s eyes flicked down to his lips and he was leaning in slowly, giving Dick a chance to say no. With rejection on his tongue, Dick closed his eyes and tilted his head back, feeling a soft kiss.

As their lips moved together, they kissed hungrily. Fingers tangled in his hair, Dick felt himself dissolve, feeling nothing but Jason around him. This was a bad idea, he knew that but as Jason cupped his face, holding him like he was precious, all Dick wanted was to forget the bad. Instead, he wanted to remember the love they shared.

Instead, he wanted to go back to a time when he was happy and so, he gave into Jason’s touch, history repeating itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter didn't have a lot of romance but the thing is that with this story, I also want to explore Dick's relationship with the others. There will definitely be more JayDick moments soon though.   
> Let me know what you guys think~


	3. Forever Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Forever Rain by RM

Sometimes, walking back home from work, Dick looked up at the sky and wondered what freedom tasted like.

As a child, with his parents' hands always holding onto his, Dick had no fear. He believed with all his heart that he could jump from the tallest building, eyes closed and the wind would carry him away. After all, she was his friend, his companion through life and they would never let each other down. But some relationships aren’t meant to last forever and Dick’s world had slipped right through his fingers, the soothing wind he trusted so much nothing but a traitor.

And from then on, his freedom had turned into fear.

With every tragedy, each scar dug into his soul, Dick placed chains on his wings. When he was a child he soared, as a teenager he floated, barely above the ground but after he grew up, he was pinned to the ground, under the weight of the restrains he chose to wear. Step by step, his wings decayed, the feathers that built his dreams falling away and he just watched, too afraid to fly.

One day, someone caught one of his feathers, holding it carefully in their embrace. A gentle smile and caring hands, Jason healed Dick’s wings, giving him the time he needed to spread them once again, to let someone into his heart. In Jason’s arms, Dick believed. For the first time in forever, he believed he could fly. Jason would always catch him, would always keep him safe. And even though he had faith, just like the cunning wind, Jason had let him go. Burned more than once, shattered beyond repair, Dick tore off his own wings so he’d never be fool enough to hope.

Despite taking every precaution, despite guarding his heart and shutting himself away, Dick broke every rule he had set from himself.

Wanting just one moment of indulgence, he tipped his head back, eyes closed, letting Jason’s tongue explore his mouth. Strong arms pulled him close until they stood chest to chest, hearts beating together. Dick didn’t know how or when but they moved, never once breaking the kiss until he was pushed into a room, his jacket thrown to the side.

“How are you so beautiful?” Jason breathed as he pinned Dick to the bed, eyes taking in the sight before him.

And then they were kissing again. Hungry and desperate for more, they pushed against one another, memorizing every curve. Somewhere inside, Dick knew that this was wrong. They had burned once and this time wouldn’t be any different but as Jason’s green eyes bore into him, full of nothing but love, Dick couldn’t look away. He couldn’t remember all the reasons why they couldn’t be. All he could think of was Jason. All he could feel was Jason.

_Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason._

Thoughts turned to words, Dick whispered Jason’s name like a prayer, sighs escaping his mouth as lips trailed down his neck, sucking and biting. As the buttons of his shirt were popped open, Dick lost himself in the feeling of being loved, something he hadn’t felt in so long.

But just as the rational part of his mind shut down, his phone started ringing, snapping Dick out of his daze. Wide-eyed, breathing hard, he stared at Jason’s face, the one that he loved and hated in equal measures.

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, reading the terror on Dick’s face.

Crashing down to Earth, remembering the trail of his own mistakes, guilt pumped through Dick’s veins. “No,” he whispered placing his hands on Jason’s chest. “No!” he screamed pushing the other away.

Stumbling back, Jason watched in confusion as Dick scrambled off the bed and started buttoning his shirt but his fingers trembled so badly that he couldn’t do it right. "Dick, what's wrong? Talk to me," Jason begged, reaching out his hand towards Dick but pulling back when the other slapped it away.

In the starting of their relationship, he had seen Dick break down in a similar way so many times but it was never because of him. Jason was the one who calmed Dick down, not the one who sent him into a nervous frenzy.

“Don’t you dare touch me!” Anger flashed through Dick’s eyes as tears threatened to roll down his cheeks. “Haven’t you already done enough? Haven’t you had your fun?”

“What are you--”

Something inside Dick had broken, something that kept him sane, kept his emotions in check. But right now, all he could feel was anger, all he could feel was shame because he couldn’t resist Jason’s touch. He had given into his heart’s desire, even though he knew that being swayed by love could only end up with him getting hurt.  “You slummed it with the poor orphan, took him for a ride for two years,” he said, lips twisting into a sneer. “Was that not enough for your Jason?”

Hurt flashed through Jason’s eyes as he stared at the man he loved so dearly, the one who had never shed a tear because of him. “That’s not true. You know that it isn’t.”

“I don’t know anything, Jason! I thought I knew you but you ran out on me like a coward and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me why,” Dick cried, tears streaking his cheeks.

 “I’m sorry, Dickie. I’m so, so sorry,” Jason whispered, knowing that what he’d done was wrong.

Taking a shaky breath, Dick just shook his head, knowing it was too late for apologies. “I loved you,” he whispered, fingers clutching onto his coat.

“And I **love you**. Please, just let me explain,” Jason begged.

“I loved you,” Dick repeated, his voice so low and broken. “And you ruined me.”

As Dick turned around, there was nothing Jason could say. There were no words to fix what he had broken. He could only stand back and watch Dick walk away, the door slamming shut behind him.

 

 

 

When Dick came to, disoriented, he blinked his eyes, fingers feeling the silk sheets beneath him. The last thing he remembered was crying and falling asleep on the couch but for some reason, he was now on the bed he had avoided, knowing that he was the guest and there was no way he would take away Roy’s comfort from him.

Turning to the side, Dick found the redhead sitting on the other side of the bed, sheets pooling around his waist as he scrolled through his phone. “Morning, sunshine,” Roy sang, never looking up.

“How did I get here?” Dick croaked, his throat too dry to speak properly.

Grabbing the glass on the bedside table and filling it with water, Roy handed it to Dick, looking exasperated. “There was no way I was going to let you sleep on the couch, Dickhead. I asked you for a favor so you should be the one in the bed.”

“I couldn’t take-”

“Away my bed,” Roy finished, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I know. But guess what? We both slept in the bed and you never rolled over to cuddle so we’re good.”

Not having the energy to fight, Dick nodded and then stared up at the ceiling, his eyes stinging because of the tears he had shed. Beside him, Roy shifted. “What happened last night?” he asked.

“Jason,” Dick answered, not knowing what else to say. His fingers traced across his lips, remembering the warmth of the ones pressed against them.

“I should kill that bastard,” Roy snapped. “Fucking Ollie. Why’d he have to make up with Bruce Wayne now?”

“Roy, I know I promised to help you but… I just…”

After everything that had happened the night before, with two more days left to spend around Jason, Dick was afraid of what would happen next. He just wasn’t strong enough to go through something painful. He knew he would shatter.

“You want to go home, I get it. I won’t stop you, Dick,” the redhead finished. “We’ll leave after lunch, considering we already missed breakfast?”

“You don’t have to leave with me,” Dick pointed out.

“And stay here to watch men flirt with Kori?” Yeah, no thank you.” Roy shook his head as he pulled himself out of bed.

Dick’s lips turned into a frown at the sight of the redhead’s slumped shoulders. “You should talk to her, Roy,” he advised but Roy wouldn’t listen. He never did.

“We want really different things. She wants to get married and have a family but I… I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that,” Roy said.

Then he rushed into the bathroom before Dick could say a word.

 

 

Breathing in fresh air, Dick leaned back in his chair and watched Roy as he talked to Dinah, explaining to her why he was leaving early. From the expression on Dinah’s face, it was obvious Roy was going to get lectured which made Dick wonder what excuse he had used.

After the conversation they had in the morning, Dick had been afraid that Roy would be awkward around him. But as always, the redhead had shrugged off the painful memories that had been dug up, joking and laughing around as always. Dick wished that Roy would talk to him, talk to Kori and sort out whatever had gone wrong between them. He knew how much the two had loved each other. If Dick had been Roy, if he had found the one for him, he would never let go.

As Jason’s face flashed through Dick’s mind, his grip around the glass of juice he had picked up for himself tightened. No. They weren’t meant to be. They were a mistake and nothing more.

“Grayson? Is it alright if I join you?” Damian asked, distracting Dick from his thoughts.

Looking at the younger and noticing the nervousness in his eyes, Dick smiled. “Of course, Dami.”

With the tension leaving his shoulders, Damian set his plate on the table and sat down next to Dick. “Are you not going to eat?” he asked, noticing the absence of food in front of the older.

“I’m not really hungry,” Dick answered, holding up his glass of orange juice.

“That is preposterous. You are always hungry, Grayson.”

“Oh, ha, ha. You’re a riot.”

“But, really, Grayson. Are you okay?” Damian asked softly and Dick nodded, ruffling his hair.

“I’m fine, Little D.”

“Please, not that ridiculous nickname.” Damian frowned.

Dick, however, just grinned, happy to know that the nickname still bothered the boy he considered a brother.

Cutting into the pancake in his plate, Damian set his knife and fork down. “I…heard you are leaving.”

“Uh, yeah. I have work back in Bludhaven,” Dick answered, eyes flashing to Oliver who seemed to be watching him.

Strange.

“Do you still work as a teacher?”

“Yep.”

Fidgeting nervously, Damian looked at his plate, then at Dick and back at his plate again. “Would it be alright for me to… visit?” he asked, a hint of fear in his voice.

Grinning, Dick held out his hand. “Give me your phone,” he said and Damian did as asked, watching carefully as Dick typed out his number. “Now you can call or text whenever you want.”

A bright smile, one that was so rare, spreading across Damian’s face and he nodded happily. At that moment, Dick forgot his worries and was just happy to be around someone who cared for him. It was peaceful.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

Lost in his interactions with Damian, Dick hadn’t noticed when Oliver had closed the distance between them. Now he stood right in front of their table, staring down at Dick with anger. “I knew you were a lowlife but I didn’t know you were a slut, Grayson,” he said, his voice loud enough to reach the people sitting around them.

Every ongoing conversation came to a sudden halt, eyes turning towards Oliver.

“Excuse me?” Dick asked, stunned and barely finding his voice.

“I thought you were sleeping with my son but then I see you rushing out of Wayne’s oldest son’s room and now you’re hitting on the youngest? Two rich boys aren’t enough so you found a third?” Oliver snarled.

Dick opened and closed his mouth to say something, to deny Oliver’s accusations but his mind was blank. He knew that the older hated him, it was something that had been made clear since Roy brought him home for the first time. This, however, was too much.

“I would suggest you watch your tongue, Mr. Queen,” Damian growled, fingers clenched into fists.

Giving Damian a dismissive look, Oliver just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just watching out for you, kid. Don’t want you falling into this gold digger’s net.”

Humiliation coursed through Dick, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. Was this what they thought of him when they looked at him? Was this what Jason thought of him when he walked away? Clenching the edge of his shirt, all Dick could do was stare down, trying desperately to blink away his tears.

Rolling his eyes, Oliver sighed loudly. “Why do sluts cry every time they get exposed? Do you think the waterworks are going to make people pity you?”

Damian shot up from his chair, lips pulled back, teeth bare and Dick reached out to stop him but before the two of them could do anything, Jason appeared behind Oliver. Grabbing the older by the shoulder, Jason turned him around and slammed him into the table he stood in front of, landing a fist straight into his face.

“How fucking dare you?!” Jason growled, body trembling with rage.

“What the hell, Wayne?” Oliver sputtered.

Jason lifted his fist to hit the older again but people rushed forward to hold him back and Dick could only sit and watch, his body frozen. His heart hammered in his chest as Oliver got up, dusting his clothes and looking at Jason with disgust. “Your father and his company are gonna pay for your insolence boy,” he threatened.

Guilt churned in Dick’s stomach because he knew this was his fault. If he had been careful, played the role that he had been given, none of this would have happened. Oliver was just protecting Roy, trying to get rid of the problem. Dick was the problem. He was the one who ruined everything over and over.

Jason opened his mouth to retort but he was cut off.

“Alright, that’s enough! This day has already been ruined and it’s all your fault, Oliver!” Dinah snapped, stepping in between the two men, anger in her eyes.

“The hell did I do?” Oliver asked, confused.

“You jumped to conclusions as always. Roy told me the truth. He isn’t dating Dick,” Dinah explained.

“What?”

“They were pretending to appease me.”

Oliver stared at Dinah in shock and then looked back at Dick, realizing that he had in fact been the one in the wrong. But as his lips pressed into a thin line, disgust twisting his face, Dick knew he wouldn’t apologize, at least not to the poor orphan boy.

“He’s still playing both the Wayne boys,” he insisted.

Dick was sure that if he had eaten anything, he would have thrown up. All he wanted was for the earth to split open and swallow him whole, take him away from the humiliation and judgment.

“Oh, for god’s sake, Ollie! Can you just stop?” Roy asked, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “You and I both know you’re just looking for a reason to hate Dick even though he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“He’s an orphan, Roy,” Oliver started.

“I was an orphan! Before you and Dinah took me in, I was an orphan just like him but somehow you keep forgetting that,” Roy snapped. “Dick is my best friend and he’s always been there for me, even when you abandoned me. So I’d suggest you apologize to him otherwise we are through.”

Disbelief crossed Oliver’s face. “You would throw me away for him?”

“Mr. Queen,” Tim intervened, his voice calm. “I speak for most of us when I say this but you’re an asshole and for someone like Dick Grayson, including your wife, we would all throw you away.”

To that, Dinah nodded.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Oliver muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

“Just apologize man. You know you were wrong,” Roy sighed.

Oliver stared at Roy, eyes going over every guest that looked at him with anger and groaned. “Fucking fine,” he snapped.

Muttering under his breath, he turned around to apologize to Dick but stopped short because the younger was gone. Sometime during the commotion, he had run away and no one had noticed. Those who had didn’t care enough to stop him.

"Where'd he go?" Oliver asked, looking around.

Worry flashed Dinah's face as she glanced back at Roy who just shook his head. He might have known Dick for years but even he didn't know where his friend could have run off to. "I'll go check the grounds," he said and headed off to find Dick.

Those who cared did the same. Kori joined Roy while Steph and Cass went in the opposite direction, trying to cover as much ground as they could. Tim and Damian left to check the house. But Jason just shook his head. Finding his car keys in his pocket, he headed to the parking lot because he knew where Dick was. There was only one place in Gotham Star City that he could go to when he was upset. 

Even if they had been apart for years, even if they didn't have a future together, Jason knew that no matter what happened, he would always be the one to find Dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh look drama. I know this sucks but we needed a little bit of soap drama to move things along. But hey, now we can get to the fun times *insert lenny face*


	4. Fragile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Fragile by Gnash ft Wrenn

What made a person weak?

Growing up in a circus, there was nothing that could scare Dick. From doing the most dangerous acrobatic feats to playing with fire, he wanted to do it all. Whether it was jumping from heights without a safety net, dancing with lions or sleeping in the embrace of an elephant, there was nothing he couldn't do and as long as he wasn’t afraid, he would be the strongest person alive. If he wanted, he could be stronger than the heroes that paraded around TV shows, wearing spandex and capes. He could be invincible.

Life, unfortunately, had a funny way of turning things upside down. From being fearless, Dick went to hiding under his bed, struggling to block out the sound of screams and glass bottles shattering. No matter where he went, Gotham or Star City, the story simply kept repeating itself and at the end of each fight, Dick would have to carry the blame. If the family had never taken him in, they would have been happier and after some time, he believed it too.

He was an omen, a curse on the lives of those who treated him with love and respect. They were just too many signs to ignore the truth.

Even now, somehow, he had managed to ruin the relationship that Oliver and Roy had struggled to rebuild. They always had their difference, constantly fighting and falling out but they were family. At the end of the day, they always found their way to each other. It didn’t matter how badly Oliver treated Dick, he was Roy’s father, one who loved him in his own way. Without being part of the family, Dick had brought them to ruins.

Now, Bruce Wayne would have to pay for something that Dick instigated in the first place. If he had been careful, if he had kept away from Jason, if he had never stepped on that dance floor to begin with, Oliver would have never gotten angry. He wouldn’t have a reason to hate Dick more than he already did. But Dick had been selfish. He had believed that he could laugh with his friends without having to pay a price for it. After all, happiness wasn’t free for everyone. Especially not for people like him.

Sitting underneath an old tree, Dick stared at the wide, empty field. While there was nothing worth seeing there, in his mind, he could imagine the multi-colored tents of Haly’s circus. This was the place where they set camp and performed whenever they stopped by Star City. Dick wondered if he stared long enough, would the past come calling? Would he be reunited with his younger self, the one who was freer and happier?

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours but Dick didn’t move. Even if his feet hurt, skin blistered because he walked all the way from Oliver’s, he didn’t blink. He just sat in one place and stared, even when the rain started pouring relentlessly. Unfortunately, what had passed could not be changed and Dick could never get back the lost pieces of himself.

In the distance, he could hear the sound of an engine, a car door opening and slamming shut. “Dick,” Jason called out, his voice gentle. A hand was placed on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Fingers wrapped around his hands and Dick was hauled to his feet. With each step, he was dragged away from the place that could change his life but he didn’t fight. He knew that it was foolish to hope for a miracle since destiny had never been kind to him.

Soon, warmth surrounded him as Jason guided Dick to his car. The engine came to life and soon they were driving away. “Are you okay?” Jason asked, occasionally glancing at the man sitting beside him.

Dick took in a breath, then another, something to smother the shame and guilt bubbling inside of him. He wanted to answer with some dignity. He wanted to answer without turning into an emotional mess. After all, Oliver was right. Sluts shouldn’t cry after they were exposed and that’s what everyone thought of Dick.

“Dickie?” Jason called out but the older didn’t respond, blank eyes staring out the window. “Dick?” he repeated but it didn’t seem to have an effect. Dick was too lost in his own thoughts to hear anyone else.

“Dick.” A commanding voice snapped him out of his haze, shivers running down his spine and Dick finally turned towards Jason. “Tell me how you’re feeling,” Jason ordered, knowing that was the only way to get the other to talk. It wasn’t something he wanted to do but knowing Dick, the man would shut down and avoid the world until he was coaxed out of his shell.

“I feel like I should have left with my parents,” Dick finally answered, head tilting back as he stared up. Beside him, Jason inhaled sharply, opening his mouth to probably assure Dick that he was loved and needed but the other never gave him a chance to speak. “All I do is hurt the people around me. Wally, Roy… you. I hurt you, didn’t I? That’s why you left. I just ruin everything I touch.”

Jason wanted to speak on Roy’s behalf but he knew it wouldn’t work.  At this point, Dick would only listen to the redhead. As for Wally, he didn’t know what happened between him and Dick but that was a story for another time. Right now, Jason had something else to take care of.

“What happened between us, it wasn’t your fault,” he said, fingers gripping the steering wheel. “You were perfect, Dickie. You’ve always been perfect.”

“Then why’d you leave?” Dick asked, his voice as broken as the last time they spoke.

If it were up to him, Jason would tell Dick everything, explain to him the reason why he left and beg for forgiveness. But given the state Dick was in, it just wasn’t the right time. Dick’s mind would just twist everything Jason said, finding a way to blame himself for something he couldn’t even control.

“I left because I didn’t have a choice,” Jason started, looking for the right words to say. He had to be careful otherwise he would just hurt Dick even more. “Do you know that every night I went to sleep, all I could do was stare at the empty space beside me, hoping that by some miracle you would fill it? The days where I didn’t wake up to your face were too painful to go through because all I could think about was your smile and the feeling of your lips against mine.”

As the rain poured down heavily, Jason parked the car on the side of the road. Right now, Dick’s safety was his responsibility and he refused to take any chances with it.

Leaning his head on the steering wheel, he turned to look at Dick who watched him with wide eyes, lips slightly parted. “There were some days when I would walk out of my house,” Jason continued. “And I’d find myself going to every place where you could be.”

“But then you moved on.” Dick finished for him, pain in his eyes.

Jason smiled and shook his head. “Moved on? Dick, I’m still so madly in love with you.”

Jason waited for Dick to freak out, he waited to be screamed at and pushed away, knowing that he didn’t have the right to say the words he had. After all, every bit of pain Dick had gone through in the past two years was his fault. He had been trusted but Jason had ruined everything.

Soft fingers, trembling gently, brushed against Jason’s cheeks as Dick stared at him with tears in his eyes. The shock of being humiliated was now fading, leaving behind a fragile and broken man. “Hold me,” Dick whispered.

“Dick, no.” Jason shook his head. He couldn’t take advantage of someone when they were breaking down.

“Jason, please, please just hold me,” Dick cried. “It hurts so much and I just want to forget, want to be yours and forget the rest.”

He knew he was being desperate and he knew that Jason probably didn’t want him. Why would he? Smart and beautiful, he could have absolutely anyone he wanted and after all the things that had been said during lunch, Dick’s already low standing had been reduced to nothing.

As if reading his mind, Jason lifted Dick’s hand and placed gentle kisses on each finger and palm, lips trailing down his arm. With hooded eyes he watched Dick, biting and sucking on the soft skin. “This mark means you’re mine,” Jason said, pulling back and Dick whined.

“Dickie, sweetheart, it wouldn’t be right,” Jason said, caressing Dick’s cheek. “I want you, I really do but right now, you’re not thinking straight and I won’t touch you until you can actually consent to it. I won’t be that man.”

“I would never--” Dick started but Jason just shook his head.

“I know you don’t see me that way,” he assured and started the car. “Just remember that I’m the ex you hate.”

With a sad smile and a wink, Jason started driving and again, Dick didn’t question where they were going. Instead, his fingers traced the mark left on his skin, red against his golden skin and for some reason, there was something reassuring about that. To be wanted, to be needed, that’s all he ever wished for.

“For the record,” Dick whispered. “I don’t hate you.”

The softest of smiles graced Jason’s face and from there on, they drove in silence.

 

 

Dick woke up as the sunlight streamed through a window and into his face. Blinking, he looked away and rubbed his eyes, seeing spots. When his vision cleared, he found himself in a room that he couldn’t recognize with Jason sitting on the couch and reading a book. A pillow and blanket lay beside him.

“Good morning,” Jason said, removing his glasses and putting his book aside. “How do you feel?”

“Fine,” Dick answered, fidgeting with the blanket and avoiding Jason’s eyes.

Jason cleared his throat. “I uh texted Roy and told him you were safe. He was really worried so maybe you should get in touch with him.”

Nodding, Dick pushed away the blankets he had been wrapped up in so carefully only to realize everything except his boxers was gone. “Your clothes were wet so…” Jason’s voice trailed off. “I arranged for a new set for you though.”

Once again, all Dick could do was nod as he stumbled to the clothes that had been laid out for him. Hurriedly, he pulled on the shirt and slacks, his mind screaming at him to run out the door and never come back. But a part of him also knew that if he left now, he wouldn’t see Jason again. The two of them didn’t run in the same circles and the only reason why they had even run into each other was because Dick had agreed to help Roy out. A few steps and that would be it for them. He would go back to Bludhaven and Jason back to Gotham, their paths never crossing.

“I’m leaving Star City tomorrow night,” Jason started and Dick was sure that the other was a mind reader. “I hope that while I’m here, you’ll give me a chance to explain things to you, properly. Even if you can’t forgive me, I just want you to know the truth, want you to know that I never meant to hurt you.”

Dick turned towards Jason.

There he stood, the man Dick couldn’t stop loving, the face he couldn’t help but look for in crowded places, the voice that haunted him day and night. If what Jason had said before was true, he was just in love as Dick was, he was just as much of a mess as him. Maybe if they sat down and talked things through, they could fix what was ruined. They owed that much to each other, to the relationship they used to have. And maybe, just maybe, they could start again.

That, unfortunately, was a fantasy for fools.

What was once broken couldn’t be fixed. Dick was a living example of that.

“Goodbye, Jason,” he said with a smile.

Then, Dick left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, when I started this chapter, I was going to add a sex scene but then seeing Dick's mental state, it just kind of didn't feel right so uh, sorry for that letdown. In other news, tomorrow I'll be leaving for vacation so this may be my last update until I get back home. I'm so so sorry for that. Just know that I am not abandoning the fic. I'm just going to be in a place where there's lack of wifi.
> 
> Until next time!


	5. What A Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: What A Time by Julia Michaels ft Niall Horan

Dick couldn't remember the last time he wasn't haunted by the things he wanted to forget. It started the moment he opened his eyes, thoughts spiralling out of control before he even had a chance to differentiate dream from reality. It was his curse to remember, his curse to be shattered over and over.

Today was different.

For the first time in forever he could breathe without breaking down, exist without hating himself. For the first time in forever, he walked with his back straight, the weight on his shoulders lifted. Freedom lingered in the air, filling his lungs and fueling his veins and he savoured each second of it.

Eyes closed, he didn't see reflections of his past and even though there was a dull ache in his heart from leaving Jason behind, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Was he finally ready to move on?

The day Dick had woken up alone in the apartment he shared with Jason, left with only memories of the man he loved, he had been so lost. Unable to find the closure he needed to move on, the reason behind Jason's sudden departure, he didn't know what to do. Alcohol burned, days passed but nothing could help Dick forget what he had.

It was such a silly thing. Relationships ended all the time but Dick just couldn't move on. Reason was closure. That's what he thought. But when Jason offered him a chance to finally get the answers he had been seeking, Dick had turned away.

With all the words that had been said, Dick knew that knowing why wouldn't set him free. Instead, he'd be chained down by apologies and second chances that could never guarantee him the happiness he craved.

_ ‘I’m still madly in love with you.’ _

They had been in love. They were still in love. Unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be.

He just wished he had realised this sooner instead of pining after someone he couldn't be with.

A part of him still wanted to know why, still demanded a satisfactory answer for the days spent in tears. But Dick was tired of waiting, tired of questioning his choices. Whether they loved each other or not, Jason belonged in a world that had no place for someone like Dick. The encounter with Oliver had proven that. This was for the best. It just had to be.

For now, he wanted to look back at the memories he had with a smile, remember days filled with love and not hurt. It would take time but he was sure he'd make it. He would find a way to live again.

Phone buzzing in his pocket, Dick was brought back to reality. “Hey, Roy,” he answered, ready for the anger that came with running away without informing anyone. But instead, Dick was met with a sigh of relief.

“Hey, Dickie. You alright?” Roy asked.

“I'm fine,” Dick answered, stopping when he realised that he hadn't lied. He was fine. He would be fine.

“... Are you and Jason...?”

Dick smiled. “No. I don't think we'll ever go down that road again but that's okay. I'm okay.”

Roy didn't say anything but Dick could hear him moving around, probably pacing in worry. “Do you need me to pick you up?”

Opening his mouth, Dick was about to say yes when his eyes fell on a flower shop.

_ “You give me a reason to smile. You make me feel alive.” _

“There's a place I need to stop by so maybe later.”

“Alright,” Roy conceded, sounding tired and Dick knew why. “Take care of yourself.”

“I will.” Dick said. “And Roy, talk to Kori. If not for yourself, do it for the relationship you once had. She deserves to know the truth.”

With that, Dick cut the call and rushed down the street, a wide smile on his face as he soared with the wind.

  
  
  


Zipping his bag, Jason glanced at the clock, watching the seconds tick away, hoping for a knock on his door but knowing it would never come. Two years ago, he had made a decision without consulting Dick, ruining everything they had with a single choice. Now, he paid the price for it.

When Jason had left Dick, he never expected to run into him again. Yes, there were days when he would drive by Dick's workplace, watch the man he loved from a distance, wanting nothing more than to hold him close. But he couldn't.

Despite having all the money in the world, he could never have the one thing he wanted more than anything.

Slumping onto the bed, he rubbed his face, heart aching. Dick's goodbye had been final and he wasn't going to come back. Hell, even if Jason finally told him the truth, the chances for them to together were so low. Dick deserved to be happy. He deserved someone better than Jason.

Glancing at the door one last time, Jason finally let go of hope. Life had given him one last chance to see Dick smile and now, it was time to move on. 

But before he could, there was something Jason needed to do.

_ “Sometimes you need to risk falling sick to feel the rain.” _

Grabbing his phone to shoot Tim a text, Jason rushed out the door, needing to make a stop before he left and never looked back. 

  
  


_ Jason couldn't help but glare at the rain. _

_ Today was supposed to be a special day and Jason had planned everything he needed to do carefully. But he should have known that life wasn't going to go his way, especially when Bruce had sent him off to Star City for a dumb gala. Jason had just assumed that with Dick by his side, he'd somehow still make things work. While their arrival in Star City had been seamless, things had quickly gotten out of hand. _

_ It all started when Tim fell sick, unable to attend an important meeting and with Bruce still in Gotham, Jason had to take his place. He had hoped the meeting would end soon but the opposite had happened. Stumbling into his hotel room tired, Jason had hastily gotten himself and Dick dressed even if the older insisted that he rest. There was still time to salvage their evening. _

_ And then their car broke down. _

_ “Don't look so sad, Jay.” Dick nudged him with his elbow, looking like a star in his three piece. Wrapping his arm around his boyfriend's waist, Jason could only sigh knowing that they had missed their dinner reservations. Everything had gone to hell. _

_ Even though the car broke down, they had the option to walk to the restaurant but of course, it had to rain. Now they were stranded near a closed flower shop with just enough cover to keep them safe from rain. _

_ “Stupid rain,” Jason muttered, burying his face in the crook of Dick's neck. “Stupid Tim.” _

_ “Oh, come on. It wasn't Tim's fault he felt sick,” Dick scolded. _

_ “Maybe if he took better care of himself.” _

_ Twisting in Jason's arms, Dick placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “This isn't so bad.” _

_ “We’re stranded in the rain, Dickie. It can only get worse,” he grumbled unable to tell Dick exactly why he was upset. _

_ “Hey, we can try again tomorrow.” They kissed. _

_ “I guess.” _

_ “Just enjoy this moment with me.” _

_ “Yes, this is so much fun.” Jason rolled his eyes. _

_ A mischievous smile spread across Dick's face which made Jason the slightest bit nervous. But before he could say a word, Dick grabbed his hand and dragged him away from his shelter, into the pouring rain. A surprised sound escaped Jason's lips but Dick just laughed freely as the cold rain fell down on them. _

_ “We'll fall sick!” Jason exclaimed, covering his head with his hand even though it didn't do any good. _

_ “Well, sometimes you have to risk falling sick to feel the rain.” And with that, Dick was twirling down the empty street. _

_ Unfamiliar with the concept of 'feeling the rain’ all Jason could do was stare at Dick. For someone of his stature, doing simple things like enjoying the rain was unacceptable. There was a proper decorum to be followed and there was always someone watching, waiting for a single slip up. But as Dick smiled, Jason could only watch in awe. _

_ “Dance with me?” Dick asked, holding out his hand and Jason happily followed his lead, forgetting the world. _

That night, they danced in the rain like children, laughing and giggling. Rain soaked through their clothes and mud covered their shoes but it didn't matter. Not when they were living so freely. Even when shivers ran down their spines, they had their love to keep each other warm.

There was a rush in knowing that he was loved without judgement and the only person who could give him that was Dick. They were like two pieces of a puzzle, completing each other and all Jason wanted was for them to be together. One house, one bed and a lifetime full of happiness.

But somehow, he'd lost it all.

 

 

_ Breathing hard, Dick closed his eyes and spread his arms, feeling the raindrops on his skin. Any other day, he would have run from the rain, the way any grown man would but pretending to be mature wasn't an option when he jumped in puddles holding Jason's hand. There was nothing wrong with being a child again, especially when one didn't have a normal childhood. _

_ He was just glad that he was able to make Jason smile. His boyfriend had spent so much time trying to plan the perfect day for them but it had all fallen apart. Dick wasn't sure what the important surprise was but if Jason was happy, he didn't care much. _

_ “Dick,” Jason called out.   _

_ Letting his arms fall back down, Dick turned around and his heart stopped beating. There, in front of him was Jason, down on one knee, a ring in his hand.  _

 

Staring up at the clear blue sky, Dick wondered how different things would have been if Jason never left. Would they be married or would things end either way? The future was so uncertain but then again, there was no point in losing himself in what ifs. The past couldn't be changed and the silver band that he looked at every day he woke up was tucked away, never to be seen again.

_ “Richard John Grayson, since the day I met you, I've thanked my stars for bringing you into my life. I know that I could never love anyone as much as I love you because you are my sun and my moon, the only person who I can be myself around. You give me a reason to smile. You make me feel alive. So, Dickie, my north star in the dark, will you do me the honor of being my husband?” _

The connection that Dick had with Jason was an instant one, so strong that they never felt the need to question it. They had their fights, the little bumps in the road but it all led to one of thing, a life together. He was Jason's and Jason was his. They were meant to be.

Until one day, they weren't.

But it was okay now. Maybe there was a lesson to be learned here, one that Dick would realise with the passage of time.

Breathing in, breathing out, remembering the happiest day of his life, Dick willed himself to move on. One step at a time. Maybe, someday, he'd be ready for love again. But as he opened his eyes, as he noticed the man staring at him, all those thoughts ran away in a rush, Jason's turquoise meeting his baby blues.  

“I swear I'm not following you around,” Jason said, hands held up and Dick giggled.

“I didn't say you were.”

“But now you're thinking it.”

“Maybe.”

Stepping forward, Jason motioned towards the bench. “May I?” he asked, a little hesitant but smiled when Dick nodded.

After that, they sat in silence, eyes wandering, unable to look at one another.

Even though they were so close, they was an undeniable distance that hurt. There was a time when silence never bothered them. In fact, it was comforting but now it was suffocating.

“You know,” Jason started, voice breaking as he looked up at the sky. “When I saw you dancing in the rain, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I mean, I knew before that as well which is why I got the ring but that night, in that one moment, I was so sure.”

Taking in a shaky breath, he covered Dick's hand with his, squeezing tightly. “Now, here we are but you're not mine and I don't know how to forget.”

“Jay….” Dick started, his heart aching.

“I know it's my fault. I know my decision was our downfall. I know I'm selfish but I just want a chance to explain myself,” Jason whispered.

Dick shook his head because he knew he had to stay strong. He had to say no.

“I really tried to forget you because I knew that was for the best but two years wasn't enough time,” Jason said, voice breaking. “A lifetime won't be enough time.”

What was Dick supposed to say to that? How was he supposed to deny Jason's words when he missed what they had, when he missed the weight of a ring on his finger and a promise of a lifetime?

“After everything we've been through, don't you think we owe this to ourselves?”

Steeling himself, Dick shook his head. “It's too late for that.”

“Is it?” Jason stared into Dick's eyes, leaning in. “Then why doesn't it feel like that? Just give me a chance to explain myself. That's all I ask. After that, I'll never bother you again.

“I don't know….”

“Please, Dickie.”

No amount of encouragement could make Dick strong enough to say no to Jason, to turn him away when he looked so close to breaking apart. What they had couldn't be fixed but hope had a way to shine a light in the dark even if the road ended in disaster.

“Dick?” Jason called out, worried and tensed.

Following the advice Dick gave to Roy, he nodded his head, feeling betrayed by his own heart. But as the brightest smile spread across Jason's face, tears shimmering in his eyes, nothing really mattered. Whatever happened tomorrow, there would be a way around each obstacle. For now, they had time to finally lay to rest a relationship of a lifetime.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, I didn't think I would have time to write while I'm on vacation but I was just sitting and listening to songs on Spotify when I heard this song and inspiration struck.  
> Hopefully I was able to explain things properly in this chapter.  
> Let me know what you think.


	6. Better Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Better Apart by Jai Wolf ft Dresage

It was the first morning that Jason had woken up beside Dick.

Sunlight filtered in through the window, sweeping across the floor to caress Dick’s olive skin, forming a golden halo above his raven hair. Back straight, he smiled at something on his phone, baby blues shifting to Jason when he felt the younger’s stare. As Dick’s eyes fell on him, Jason felt like a deer caught in headlights, drowning in blue.

“Hey.” Dick smiled.

And Jason knew that he wanted to wake up beside the older every day.

Remembering this one memory, replaying it over and over again, Jason got through the two years he spent apart from Dick. Life had never been easy on him but walking away from Dick was the worst thing he had been forced to do, a choice that he had regretted every day. In the three years they spent together, Jason was sure that he would never love anyone as much as he loved Dick because there was no one who could make him feel alive. There was no one who could take away his pain with a single touch.

Maybe taking Dick away was life’s way of reminding him to keep his feet on the ground.

After he left, Jason was sure that he would never see Dick again nor did he try to make contact. Even though the reasons that forced him to leave were gone, it was too late to go back, too late to fix what he himself had broken. But when Jason saw Dick at the party, smiling at Kori, his body had moved on his own, wanting nothing more than to feel his beloved’s warmth.

Now, Dick sat in front of him, nursing a cup of coffee, eyes downcast. There was so much Jason wanted to say, so much he had to explain but he didn’t know where to start.

Clearing his throat, he laced his fingers together and took a deep breath before finally speaking. “I have a lot I need to apologize for,” he whispered.

“You do.” Dick nodded and even though they were true, his words stung.

“I should have been more open. I should have told you everything instead of quietly walking away. It’s just… at that time, I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t thinking straight,” Jason rambled, feeling his throat go dry with every word he spoke, none of them even hinting at his reason to leave. “After everything we’ve been through, I should have treated you better.”

Gripping his cup, Dick finally looked up, a hint of anger in his eyes. “Why did you leave?”

“Talia,” Jason whispered, his voice so soft that Dick barely heard him.

“Talia? What does she have to do with anything?”

When Jason was fifteen years old, during his school vacations he had traveled with Bruce to Saudi Arabia. What was supposed to be a family outing had soon turned into a business meeting after his adoptive father had met Ra’s Al-Ghul. While Ra’s was charismatic, bold and confident when it came to expressing his views about the world, it wasn’t him that Bruce stayed for. It was for his daughter – Talia Al-Ghul – a woman unlike any he had ever met.

Jason had never been a big fan of the Al-Ghul's so when they finally left Saudi Arabia to return to Gotham, he was more than relieved. Unfortunately, his relief was short lived. A few years after they took in Timothy Drake, Talia Al-Ghul had shown up at his doorstep with a ten-year-old boy who resembled Bruce in every way possible. Wanting to give his son a chance at having a family, Bruce wasted no time and married Talia, keeping her in his life permanently.

And that was probably when their family fell apart.

“Talia wasn’t… accepting of our relationship,” Jason started, nails digging into his skin as he remembered his supposed mother.

There weren’t many things that Talia was accepting of and the one thing that she loathed was Bruce Wayne’s first son. While Tim came from a rich family, Jason was nothing but a street rat and a disgrace to the Wayne name. Towards him, she was indifferent, never acknowledging his existence until he made a mistake that she needed to fix. Dating Dick Grayson was one such mistake.

“She never really seemed to care about me,” Dick said, lips turned into a frown. Whenever he had come by to visit Jason and his family, Talia usually made herself scarce. If he stayed for dinner, she would barely look his way, let alone talk to him.

Jason smiled but there was no humor in his eyes, only anger. “That was because she assumed our relationship was temporary.”

In the beginning, Talia really didn’t care much about Dick. Who Jason brought home or dated was never her concern until her son was involved. Dick gave Damian something Talia could never, he gave the young boy a chance to be happy. Talia wanted the perfect soldier, someone to take over the Wayne and Al-Ghul name and Dick seemed to threaten that plan by giving Damian a chance to dream, to find his passion.

“Talia… she…” Jason took in a shaky breath. “She told me that I had to break things off with you or she would find a way to hurt you.”

Dick raised his brows. “Oh, you can’t be serious.”

“I wish I was joking and when she initially gave me her ultimatum, I laughed in her face. But then she dragged Cass into it,” Jason said, running his fingers through his hair.

Dick stared at Jason in confusion until realization dawned on him. After Bruce had taken in Cassandra, everything had been fine until her father reappeared out of nowhere, demanding that his daughter be returned. Everyone had known that David Cain was not a good man and with him, Cassandra had only ever suffered. There was no way that Bruce would give such a man what he wanted which led to the custody battle for Cass.

“No.” Dick shook his head. “No. No. There’s no way she would threaten Cass. She couldn’t possibly be that heartless.”

Jason snorted. “You didn’t know Talia. She didn’t give a damn about me or Tim or Cass. She only ever cared about Damian and according to her, you were corrupting her son so she gave me an ultimatum. I had to leave or she would ensure that Bruce lost custody over Cass.”

_“You can’t do this!” Jason screamed, fingers clenched into fists, anger pulsing through his veins but Talia didn’t seem to care. She just stared at Jason with indifference, like she would a child throwing a tantrum._

_“You have no idea what I’m capable of Jason. Either you leave Richard Grayson or you lose Cassandra. Pick one.”_

Jason had done everything he possibly could to avoid making a choice. He even spoke to Bruce about Talia’s threat but there was nothing his adoptive father could do for him. Even if he wanted to leave Talia, now was not the time because a divorce could be used against him in the custody battle.

_“I’m so sorry, Jason.”_ That was all that Bruce could offer him.

In the end, Jason made his choice. He ripped out his heart, crushed it in the palm of his hands and walked away, never looking back. He hurt the person he loved the most, taking away from Dick the only family he had but with Talia around, none of them had much of a choice. If Jason wanted to keep Dick safe, his family wanted the same. And it hurt them every day, Damian especially.

“You should have told me,” Dick finally said, eyes looking up to meet Jason’s.

“I thought about it,” Jason admitted. “But I knew that if you asked me to stay, I wouldn’t be able to leave. You’re the single most important person in my life, Dick. For you, I would give up anything.”

Jason had thought about it many times. They could simply pack up their things and run away to a place where no one could ever find them. Starting all over again would be difficult but at least they’d be together, they’d have each other. But, Jason couldn’t leave his family. Bruce needed someone to have his back. Tim needed someone to lean on. Damian needed someone to guide him and Cassandra? She needed someone to remind her that none of this was her fault.

“I wouldn’t have asked you to stay!” Dick exclaimed, eyes wide and brows pinched together. “I would never ask you to pick me over Cass! If you had just told me, maybe we could have worked something out, ended things on better terms.”

“And then you would have waited for me,” Jason pointed out.

Dick’s mouth clamped shut as he looked away. “I wouldn’t…” he started but never finished his sentence.

Jason smiled, resisting the urge to reach out and take Dick’s hand in his own. “It took everything I had to walk out that door and I know that I shouldn’t have just left. At that time, I didn’t know what to do. I’m just sorry for hurting you.”

They sat in silence after that. Dick was lost in his thoughts, various emotions, ranging from anger to sadness clouded his face while Jason did his best to sit straight, to not let anxiety get the best of him. He wanted Dick to say something, anything. Anything would be better than saying nothing.

Right now, the silence was suffocating.

“You should have told me,” Dick whispered, his voice small.

“I know,” Jason agreed.

And then, the silence was back.

With all his cards laid down on the table, Jason knew that he would be lucky if Dick even forgave him for what he did. Despite that, there was a part of him that hoped for a second chance. He knew that it was selfish for him to hope for something like that but he couldn’t help it. Just the idea of never holding Dick in his arms ever again was too much. Over the course of his life, Jason had lost so much but nothing compared to the pain of losing Dick.

“I guess it was for the best,” Dick finally spoke, shattering Jason’s heart with a few words. “I was happy with you but our relationship… it was bound to end.”

“Dick… no…” Jason started but the older shook his head.

“Hear me out,” he said and Jason bit his tongue. “A relationship is about coexistence, not co-dependence. I needed you to keep the darkness at bay, to feel something other than pain and that’s not right, Jay. After you left, I didn’t know how to deal with my problems. All I ever did was fall apart again and again.”

Jason winced. He had known that he hurt Dick but hearing the extent of the damage he had caused just made him feel guilty. “I’m so sorry, Dick,” he whispered.

“I know you are.” Dick smiled. “You shouldn’t have done what you did but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have my own issues that I need to work through, on my own. Honestly, I’m just tired of myself right now.”

“Maybe I could help,” Jason started and immediately corrected himself. “I mean, I could find someone who could help you, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Smiling gently, Dick just shook his head. “Thank you for the offer but I know someone who’s better equipped in this department.”

“Right. Of course.” Jason nodded, wanting nothing more than to find a way to help, to make Dick better but he knew it wasn’t his place to.

“Thank you for telling me the truth,” Dick said, getting up and Jason resisted the urge to scramble to his feet, hold the older's hand and make him stay. Dick was leaving. He was leaving again and there was nothing Jason could do to change that.

“I’ll see you around.”

With a smile and a wave, Dick was gone, leaving Jason to stare at the place where he once sat. Had Dick been right when he said that they would have fallen apart either way? Was their relationship that fragile? Jason didn't really know. All he knew was that he needed Dick. He needed him to feel alive, to have a purpose for existing and maybe, that's what the older was talking about. They were two broken individuals, relying on each other to be fixed. Maybe, that in itself was wrong.

Leaning back, Jason covered his eyes with his hands, shoulders trembling slightly. Maybe one day, when old scars faded, they could smile at each other without hurting. Maybe one day, after they finally became the people they were supposed to be, they would be okay.

Maybe, one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. This became more soap serial than anyone expected but what can you do? If Dick has issues then so does Jason but hopefully, they're able to work through them. 
> 
> In other news, I'm finally back from vacation so regular updates. Yaay?


	7. Painted In Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Painted In Gold by Strange Talk
> 
> P.S. - There is a time skip in this chapter.

_One month later_

Smiling to himself, Dick tossed a bottle of water to Damian who was sprawled on one of the mats at the gym where he worked. Brows pinched together, the younger downed the contents of the bottle while lost in thought, probably going over his posture and trying to figure out exactly where he went wrong to fall flat on his face.

It had been a month since Dick last saw Jason, a month since he finally got the answers he had been searching for two years. After that, there had been no contact between the two and that was for the best. There was much that they needed to work on and their past feelings for one another, feelings that refused to fade could only get in the way of whatever progress they were making individually.

Desperate for some semblance of control over his life, Dick had tried his best to change. With the help of Alfred who visited almost once every week, he learned recipes that weren’t too hard to make and tried his best to eat better instead of relying on takeout all the time. However, no amount of delicious dishes could overtake Dick’s love for cereal. Instead of staying awake through the late hours of the night, mulling over everything he had lost, Dick looked back at everything he had and slept peacefully. Moreover, instead of avoiding his friends, he went out to see them and assure them that he was doing much better than before.

It wasn’t easy to change and there were days he almost went back to his old ways but instead of forcing himself to be alone, Dick learned to lean on the people around him, letting their support carry him forward. But despite how far he had come, there was one thing he had been avoiding, one thing he was too afraid to do.

“Again, Grayson!” Damian demanded as he shot to his feet.

While Dick loved Damian’s enthusiasm to learn his art, this time he had to shake his head. “No can do, little D. If you overdo it, you’ll end up hurt.

“But I--”

“Dami, no one expects you to be perfect. All I really want is for you to have fun while you learn and I’m sure that after a little practice, you’ll be an even better acrobat than me,” Dick assured, squeezing the younger’s shoulder and his face seemed to soften, lines of frustration disappearing.

“No one expects me to be perfect,” Damian whispered to himself and then turned his gaze towards Dick. “There is no one in this world who can best you, Grayson.”

“Awww, you say the sweetest things, little D!” Dick grinned, tackling the younger into a hug.

After parting ways with Jason, Dick had feared that he’d lose Damian and the others all over again but that was not the case. Damian came by to see him whenever he could. In the starting, he had been a little distant but he had soon opened up, treating Dick the way he used to when he was younger. Tim, on the other hand, was busy with Wayne Enterprise work but he made sure to text whenever he could. Sometimes he would drop by with the excuse of picking Damian up and they would chat for a while. Dick had just had lunch with Cass and Steph on his last day off.

“Alright, you have hugged me for more than ten seconds. Time for ‘cuddles’ is up so let go, Grayson,” Damian muttered but he didn’t make any effort to pull away.

“Damn, if he’s gonna complain about hugging, I’ll gladly take his place, Dick,” Tim said, observing the two with a smug smile.

“Timmy!”

Soon Dick engulfed Tim into a hug while Damian glared from the sidelines. “What are you doing here, Drake?” he demanded, arms crossed.

“I came to pick you up of course.”

“I do not need to be picked up!”

“You say that now but it’s time for your art class and poor Colin will wonder where you are if you don’t show up,” Tim teased.

Dick watched as Damian’s face turned beet red, eyes widening as he glanced at the clock. Cursing under his breath, the younger quickly grabbed his clothes. “Grayson I am sorry--”

“It’s alright, Dami. Get to your art class. We don’t want to keep cute Colin waiting.” Dick winked.

With a blush and a snarl, Damian was out the door while Dick and Tim laughed at the younger’s embarrassment.

“Who would have thought that the demon spawn would ever fall for someone?” Tim chuckled, watching the door as Damian disappeared.

Dick nudged Tim with his elbow. “You have to stop calling him that!”

“Nah.” Tim smiled and then looked at Dick. “Walk with me?”

Once he informed the receptionist that he was going on his lunch break, Tim and Dick walked down the street, food and drinks in hand. Munching on his hot dog, Dick listened as Tim talked about the company and about someone named Conner. With the way the younger talked about this Conner, it was obvious that there was something there but Dick wasn’t going to say anything now. It was better for Tim to realize his feelings on his own.

“So did you settle on a therapist?” Tim asked and Dick finally realized the actual reason behind the younger’s visit.

Searching for a good therapist wasn’t an easy thing to do and Dick’s experience with them in the past had never been the best. Not knowing what to do, he had reached out to Tim who had been more than happy to help. Within 24 hours Dick had a list of the best therapists in Bludhaven as well as Gotham and all he had to do was pick one and make the call. While the idea seemed easy, Dick was yet to go through with it.

“To be honest, I settled on one a long time ago but I’ve been too scared to call. It’s not easy opening up,” Dick admitted, draping his arm over Tim’s shoulder. “But you don’t need to worry too much about me, Timmy. I’m doing so much better.”

“After everything that happened, how can I not worry? Talia did more bad than good and the worst thing she could do was take you away from us. You didn’t deserve to be hurt that way and honestly, none of us handled the situation well.” Tim sighed, eyes darkening as he spoke. “I’m just glad that Bruce dragged her to court and got rid of her. She was toxic for everyone, Damian included.”

Dick had heard the story about Bruce and Talia’s divorce from Damian.

Once Bruce finally had custody over Cass, once he knew that David Cain couldn’t take her away, he started to build a case against Talia. Surprisingly, the person who helped him the most was Damian. He loved his mother dearly but he was tired of seeing her hurt anyone who dared to come close to him. Giving Talia no chance to fight the case or to take Damian away, Bruce finally divorced her and she disappeared from their lives for good.

“I just wish it hadn’t taken so long,” Tim whispered, his voice so low that Dick barely heard him.

Plopping down on an empty bench, Dick motioned for the younger to sit down. “You know, when you’re in love, you do everything you possibly can to make a relationship work. And sometimes, you ignore the wrong, hoping that tomorrow things would be better.”

“Bruce didn’t love Talia.” Tim shook his head.

“Are you sure about that?” Dick smiled. “Even if their marriage was one born out of convenience, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t feel anything for each other. Maybe Bruce didn’t feel love towards Talia, it still couldn’t be easy for him to tear his own family apart.”

“Ugh, stop being so forgiving and I don’t know, be angry at us for what we did,” the younger muttered.

“Alright! Tim, I am furious and if you want my forgiveness, you need to treat me to lunch for the whole month!” Dick demanded, arms crossed and a defiant pout on his lips.

Seeing the older’s reaction, Tim couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Whatever you say, Dick.” He snorted and then glanced down at his watch. With a sigh, Tim pulled an envelope out his pocket and pushed it towards Dick. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Well, I have plans to fall asleep in front of the TV. What’s up?”

“Your life is so exciting,” Tim drawled, lips turned into a smirk. “Cass has a ballet recital today. She wanted to invite you but was too afraid to ask. She still blames herself for what happened. If you’re free and in the mood for Swan Lake, stop by?”

Staring at the envelope, Dick swallowed his own spit, knowing that if he went to the recital, there was a big chance that he’d run into Jason. He didn’t know how he’d react to seeing his ex again, how he’d behave. But this was important to Cass and Dick would do anything to make her realize that the choice Jason was presented with was not her fault.

Getting up and dusting his coat, Tim gave Dick one last smile. “And if you don’t want to see Jason, I’m sure Damian will be more than happy to tackle him to the ground should he make a move towards you,” he said with a wink. “I have to go now but I’ll see you tonight?”

Clutching the envelope to his chest, Dick nodded. “Yes. Yes, you will.”

He could do this.

Dick had people who loved him and genuinely cared. He would be fine.

 

 

Arriving a little late to the recital, Dick had been nervous about being at such a high-end place in his ratty old suit but once he was seated next to Damian and Steph, all his worries were gone. The two bickered until the show began, distracting Dick. And when Cass showed up on stage, the lead, there was no way anyone could think of anything but her.

Dick always knew that Cass had an affinity for dance, her movements beautiful even before she started learning. But now, she was professional, moving across the stage flawlessly and Dick felt nothing but pride seeing her give her best.

After the show was done, loosening his necktie, Dick had just started to make his way out when someone called for him. Turning around, he found Bruce smiling at him. “It’s been a while, Dick. How are you?” he asked, holding out his hand.

Taking the older’s hand, Dick had just started to reply when Bruce pulled him into a hug. “It really is good to see you, chum.”

“It’s good to see you too, Bruce,” Dick said, allowing Bruce’s warmth to surround him.

When the two pulled apart, their eyes a bit watery, a man stepped next to Bruce, holding two champagne flutes in his hand. “I feel like I’m interrupting something,” he said, blue eyes moving from Bruce to Dick.

Taking a glass from the man, Bruce smiled, linking their arms together. “Clark, this is Dick Grayson. Dick, this is my… boyfriend, Clark.”

Holding out his hand, Clark introduced himself. “Clark Kent. A pleasure to finally meet you, Dick. I’ve heard a lot about you from the Wayne boys.”

“Good things I hope,” Dick said shyly, shaking Clark’s hand.

“The best.” Clark smiled. “I heard you teach gymnastics. Maybe Bruce and I should drop by for a few classes. It could be fun.”

The idea of Bruce Wayne learning gymnastics at his gym surrounded by kids was funny if not adorable. But that was something Dick would never say. “Sure.” He nodded.

“Excuse me for a second,” Bruce said, his eyes on Damian who seemed ready to attack a man with a fur coat draped over his shoulders.

“Oh, that can’t possibly end well,” Clark muttered as he watched Bruce go before turning his attention towards Dick. “You know he constantly talks about you and how much he regrets what happened.”

“I heard,” Dick whispered, remembering everything that Damian and Tim had told him.

Lips turning into a smile, Clark looked at Bruce with adoration, so much love that it almost hurt. “The Wayne men, they’re not easy to love,” he admitted and Dick could only nod in agreement.

“So what do you do then?” he asked.

“You don’t let them get away with things.” Clark shrugged. “They might be difficult to love but that doesn’t mean you push aside your self-worth to keep them around. They’re not bad men but sometimes they need to realize that they make mistakes too.”

“Yeah,” Dick whispered, watching as Bruce pulled Damian back as the younger screamed at the man, the scene almost comical.

“Though misguided, Jason isn’t a bad person, Dick. I just want you to remember that,” Clark said, clasping Dick’s shoulder. “I should go help.”

Clark headed towards Bruce and Damian, apologizing to the man with the fur coat while Bruce covered his son’s mouth with a hand. His words circled Dick’s mind over and over, making him smile sadly. “I know,” he whispered to no one.

“I know,” he repeated before disappearing into the crowd.

 

 

Sighing with relief, Dick pulled off his tie and practically fell down on a bench, glad to be away from the crowd of proud parents and guests, chattering about the performance and the children. Instead of appreciating their children, parents were too busy trying to one-up each other and after a point, it just became tiring to even listen to them.

Somehow, Dick had managed to escape the crowd, almost running out of the hall for a chance to breathe in the fresh air. Even though he wanted to hang out with Cass and Steph a bit more, his mind simply couldn’t take any more inane conversations. He didn’t know how Tim did it with a smile but this scene simply wasn’t for Dick.

“I swear, I’m not following you.”

Looking up, Dick found Jason standing in the distance, an ice cream cone in hand and bowtie pulled open. “You say that but soon I’ll need a restraining order against you.”

“You wound me, Dickie!” Jason said, hand over his heart as he pretended to stumble back.

“Ever the drama queen, Todd?” Dick snorted and Jason grinned.

“Always.”

Sitting down, Jason offered the older his ice cream which Dick accepted happily, needing something cold to get him through the night. “So what did you think of the show?” Jason asked.

“Hmm?” Dick asked, too lost in the taste of chocolate to actually hear what was said.

“Glad to know that you still love sweets more than anything else in the world,” Jason said dryly as he snatched the ice cream back.

“Hey!”

“You snooze you lose pal.”

“I wasn’t snoozing! I was eating!”

“Eh, details.” Jason shrugged, licking his ice cream, making Dick pout.

“You suck!”

“And you swallow.”

Dick rolled his eyes. “Real mature, Todd.”

And then, they were snickering like little children. “I can’t believe I said that.” Jason chuckled.

“I can totally believe it,” Dick said with a grin. “You always resorted to the comebacks of a five-year-old when you didn’t know what to say.”

“Lies!”

“Believe what you want. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jay.” Dick smirked while the younger shot him a look.

As the conversation ended, the two sat in silence, Dick watching the stars while Jason concentrated on his ice cream, foot tapping restlessly. He seemed to be nervous about something but Dick couldn’t tell what.

“I’m thinking,” Jason started, grabbing the older’s attention. “Of going back to school.”

“You’re finally planning to study literature?” Dick asked and the other seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“Business was never your thing, Jay.” Dick shrugged and Jason nodded.

“Back then I just felt like I had something to prove.”

Lacing his fingers together, Dick leaned forward and looked back up at the stars, memories of the past on his mind. “Now you can finally be Professor Todd.”

“I don’t think I have the patience for that anymore,” Jason muttered but Dick knew that was a lie. There was no one who understood how to handle children better than Jason Todd.

“You know, the words you said last time we met really stuck with me. Trying to be better, trying to be happy, I’m glad I’m doing that,” Jason said, smiling to himself.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s all thanks to you, Dickie,” he whispered.

Lips quirking up, Dick just looked back at the stars, happy for Jason.

Maybe, it was time for him to be happy himself.

 

 

Fidgeting in his seat, Dick kept glancing at the clock over and over again, every tick sending his anxiety through the roof. A part of him wanted to throw up while the other wanted to run away, not ready for someone to read him like an open book.

“The doctor will see you,” the redhead receptionist said, snapping Dick out of his thoughts.

Almost stumbling to his feet, Dick shot her a sheepish smile before heading to the door. “It’s okay. You have nothing to fear,” the receptionist encouraged as his fingers trembled, holding the doorknob.

Nodding at her, Dick finally opened the door and stepped into the doctor’s office.

A piano piece played through the speakers, soothing Dick’s anxiety slightly as he moved towards the couch where patients usually sat. His eyes fell on a shelf full of bonsai trees before moving to the blonde haired therapist who was watching him with blue eyes, a kind smile on her face. “Hello. My name is Dr. Harleen Quinzel but you can call me Harley. Please, have a seat.”

Sitting down, Dick looked around nervously as the therapist picked up a pen and notepad. He was ready to be grilled with questions that would tear him open, lay his skeleton bare for anyone to see but that didn’t seem to happen.

“We can start whenever you’re ready,” Harley said.

“Aren’t you going to ask me anything?” Dick asked, quirking his eyebrow and Harley smiled.

“Maybe later. Right now I just want you to share whatever you’re comfortable with sharing. I’m here to help you, Richard. That’s all.”

Taking in a deep breath, soothed by the music and Harley’s gentle nature, Dick nodded and started talking.

It had never been easy for him to open up to people, to turn his feelings into words because he never wanted to be a burden for those around him. But, now, he wanted to change that. There was nothing wrong with wanting to share your pain and sadness, nothing wrong with wanting someone to lean on and Dick was tired of bottling things up. He wanted to be happy but that could only happen if he believed that he deserved to be happy.

The road to change wouldn’t be easy but he was willing to take a chance.

For himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, I try to avoid time skips but right now, one felt necessary to take the story along. Dick is finally doing much better and doing his best to be happy. Please remember that your mental health is important and there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Take care guys!


	8. Lullabies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Lullabies by Yuna (Adventure Club Remix)
> 
> This chapter is set a week after Chapter 7

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Jason had always felt that he wasn’t worthy of the love that he had received throughout his life. Among all the orphans in Gotham, all the kids in Crime Alley that struggled to get through the day, he was the one who Bruce Wayne had picked up. Just by being in the right place at the right time, Jason’s life had changed forever. He had a place to call him and people to call family.

And he couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t deserve any of it.

With every smile, there was fear in his eyes that someday, all of this would be over. Bruce would realize that someone like Jason didn’t belong in his life. Despite how hard he worked to be the perfect son, the perfect brother, this illusion of happiness he lived in had to end someday. The storm cloud brewing in the distance was bound to rip him apart. As days turned to years, years to a decade, through the many changes, that fear of one day being rejected stayed, growing stronger with each breath.

At that point, Jason didn’t realize that the storm he kept waiting for was he himself. Drowning in a sea of what ifs, he buried any potential relationship before it had a chance to bloom. As long as he stayed behind the stone walls he had built, he would be safe. As long as he never opened the door to let someone in, he wouldn’t be hurt.

Wiping away the stray tears, Jason pulled out his sunglasses and put them on before he left his therapist’s office. Fragile as he might be right now, the paparazzi in Gotham had an affinity for showing up when you least expect them. The last thing he needed was someone to notice his red eyes and makeup stories about why he needed a therapist. While the rich may pretend to be advocates of mental health, for them, the most important thing was juicy gossip and this was something they would eat right up. 

Unlike most days, after the session today, Jason's heartfelt hollow because he could see how wrong he had been all these years, how many people he had hurt in his wake. Pulling out his phone, he wondered if there was anyone he could talk to, anyone who would lend him a shoulder to cry on. There was only one person he could be free around but because of his own mistakes, he had lost that. He no longer had a right to call up Dick and just curl up in the older’s arms.

There was something about the way Dick looked at him, the way he held him when he felt like the world was falling apart. Rocking back and forth, whispering assurances in his ears, knitting dreams of a better tomorrow, Jason always found comfort in his warmth. 

Then there was Roy who had stopped talking to him after Jason broke up with Dick in the worst way possible. No one had asked the redhead to pick a side and he had done his best to reach out to Jason, figure out what was wrong. But Jason had pushed and pushed until Roy finally gave up. Maybe there was still a chance to mend that relationship but he was too much of a coward to try.

If Roy told him to go to hell, Jason would deserve it but his heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

He had so much to apologize for.

With shaky fingers, he dialed a number and pressed his phone to his ears. “Hey, Art. You free? I just… I need someone,” he whispered, unable to recognize his own voice.

 

 

“You’re a fool, Todd,” Artemis said, leaning back against her blood red couch, feet placed on the table.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Art. You really know how to boost a man’s confidence.”

“If a confidence boost is what you wanted, you would not have called me.” Artemis smirked, a knowing look in her eyes. “You wanted someone who cared and the number of people who do is dwindling. Well, according to you it is.”

Staring at his hands, Jason didn’t comment, his mind racing with everything he had learned today. After the fool he had been all his life, there was no way that anyone would want him around. At this point, he was sure that even his family was tired of his shit.

“People do care, Jason,” Artemis reminded him and Jason smiled ruefully.

“I’ve hurt everyone too much.”

“But you’ve loved them more. Humans are selfish, Jason. We are bound to hurt one another in order to protect ourselves and sometimes, we do it without noticing. The only thing you can do is apologize, learn from your mistakes and be a better person,” Artemis said, shifting closer to where Jason sat so she could squeeze his shoulders, provide what little comfort she could. “Fool or not, you are my friend and I do love you dearly.”

Chewing on his lower lip, Jason nodded, still not convinced. “What if it’s too late to apologize?”

“It is never too late to apologize. As long as you genuinely mean it, it is never too late.” Artemis shook her head. “Now, whether your apology is accepted or not, no one can really predict.” She quickly added.

“Maybe you should be a motivational speaker, Art.” Jason grinned but Artemis just rolled her eyes.

“Just because I tolerate you doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate everyone else.”

“Why do you tolerate me?”

A smile stretched across Artemis, one so gentle and rare that Jason felt proud when he could bring such an expression on her face. “As I said before, you are my friend.” With that, she got to her feet. “Now come, I think you owe me food for being so supportive.”

Laughing, Jason stood up and followed the redhead to wherever it is she wanted to go for lunch, glad to have at least one person in his corner.

After that, the two ate while talking about the past, days they spent in school together, mostly about the way they met.

The story was a cliché one. Rivals for a lead role in the school musical, Jason and Artemis started off more as enemies than friends. But when the bullies tried to come for the redhead and her desire to play the role of a man, Jason decided to step in to help but instead watched as Artemis ripped everyone to pieces with just her words. Strong and cunning, she didn’t need anyone to save her. After that, the two of them slowly became less vicious towards one another and eventually became friends.

Somehow, through the years they remained friends.

“Are you and Richard planning to get back together?” Artemis asked, halfway through the meal, making Jason choke on his steak.

“Where did that come from?!” he asked incredulously after downing his wine so he could breathe.

Artemis merely shrugged, unfazed. “It is a simple question.”

“Dick and I… we’re not,” Jason started, not having the right words to explain their situation. “We can’t be together. It’s not going to happen. I fucked up too badly.”

“You say that now,” Artemis hummed and went back to eating.

“I hate you.”

“No. You do not.”

“God damn it.”

 

After parting ways with Artemis, Jason headed back home, avoiding contact with anyone (except Alfred because you simply could not escape that cunning man) as he shut himself in his room. With his phone in his hands, he went over his contacts, staring at the name of every single person he had hurt unintentionally.

Jason didn’t know if he was capable of change. He was trying his best to be a better person. He really was. But he was afraid that if he tried, one day he would go back to his old ways and every bit of progress he had made would be for nothing. This wasn’t about picking which movie to watch. It was about becoming a different person. He didn’t want to be someone who burned down bridges in fear of being rejected.

There was no guarantee that if he reached out and apologized, the people he hurt would forgive him. They didn’t have any obligation to do so and honestly, in if he was in their place, he would run. Dealing with someone like Jason Todd was probably tiring.

_It is never too late to apologize._

Damn Artemis and her wisdom because now every time Jason even thought of giving up, her words came rushing back to him. He was sure that over the years, he would have done something to hurt her as well. After all, she was his closest friend but then, Artemis had never been afraid to call Jason out on his shit. She tolerated him because somehow, she saw something good in him even if Jason couldn’t.

Jason wanted more people like that in his life.

Taking in a deep breath, reminding himself of everything Artemis had said, Jason gathered his courage and pressed call. With every ring, the speed at which his heart beat quickened but he somehow managed to not throw his phone away.

 _“Hello?”_ Roy’s voice came from the other side and Jason finally let go of the breath he had been holding in.

“Hey, Roy. It’s Jason.”

It was time for him to fix what was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though this chapter is a bit shorter than my usual, I just wanted to write something from Jason's point of view and show his progress. The story itself will be ending in about three more chapters, including the prologue. There will be more time skips as it goes on but that's mainly because I don't want to drag on the story for too long. Hopefully I'm able to give it a good ending.  
> We'll see.


	9. Grow As We Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Grow As We Go by Ben Platt

_Three Months Later_

  
Room littered with things, old clothes thrown on the couch, albums spread across the table and different collectibles hiding beneath the carpet for him to trip over later, Dick opened the last box that he had shoved in the back of his closet. Since it was his day off (most of his free time now spent on helping Roy and Kori plan their wedding), he had decided to do some spring cleaning, getting ready to give away things he no longer had any use for but instead, he had spent hours reminiscing.

So much for being productive.

Peeking inside the last box, the first thing Dick saw was a framed poster of the Flying Grayson’s. His breath caught in his throat as he pulled out the old thing, running his fingers over the glass. A gift before he left the circus, Dick had tried so many times to hang the frame, a dear memory of his family but he never had the heart to do it. Reminders of the past were too painful and it was easier to hide them away.

But now, Dick was better, so much better than before. With a smile on his face, eyes slightly watery, he marched into his room and found a place to hang the frame. Instead of being hurt by the memory, he wanted to remember his parents at their best. He wanted to show them that he was no longer afraid to fly.

Pleased, Dick gave himself a mental pat on his shoulder and headed back to the living room. Rolling his shoulders, he got back to work, feeling proud of himself for the very first time.

 

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Hands wrapped around Kori’s waist, Roy leaned forward and kissed his new wife, dipping her back as the guests clapped for the newlyweds. The ceremony itself had been beautiful and why wouldn’t it be? Being the best man, Dick had spent nights awake, planning the perfect day for his two best friends.

Even though they had differences in the past, Roy and Kori were able to work things through. They were able to start again and Dick was so happy for them.

Finally parting, Roy turned to Dick, squeezing his shoulder and whispering a thank you so low that only he could hear it. In turn, Dick smiled and shifting his gaze to the crowd as he tried his best not to cry. His eyes first landed on Oliver who had his arm thrown around Dinah, rubbing her shoulder as she cried happy tears. Behind them, Bruce sat, head leaning on Clark’s shoulder, something you wouldn’t expect from the stoic man but it was a good change.

Then, there was Jason looked from the newlyweds to Dick, their eyes meeting and smile widening. Over the past few months, they had met a few times. Whether it was by accident or because they were invited to attend the same event, they made sure to speak to one another. In each conversation, Dick noticed the changes in both of them, the atmosphere around them lighter and happier.

It was these moments that made Dick glad for taking the initiative to change. It had been nowhere close to easy but it was worth it. He was happy now and he hoped to stay this way in the future as well.

Nudged out of his thoughts by Wally, Dick looked away from Jason and noticed that everyone had started towards the reception hall. Shooting his friend a sheepish smile, Dick followed the guests.

“See something you like among the guests? Should I call the priest back for you?” Wally teased.

“Wally!” Dick chided, a blush rising to his cheeks as his friend chuckled.

“Aww, Dickie! You’re so adorable when you’re embarrassed.” The redhead pulled his cheeks, gushing like an old lady.

Dick loved Wally, he really did. But there were days when the redhead really made him wonder why they were still friends. If annoying Dick was a subject, Wally would be the expert.

“Uh-oh. It seems Handsome and Pining doesn’t like me touching you,” Wally whistled and Dick furrowed his brows.

“What are you talking about?”

Instead of answering, Wally tilted his head. Following his gaze, Dick found Jason staring at them, the smile that he wore gone, lips pressed into a thin line. Occasionally, he would glance at them and then look away, brows coming together as he chewed his lower lip, thinking deeply.

“Do you think he’s going to do something about it?” Wally asked, purposely leaning in closer just as Jason looked at them.

Embarrassed, feeling a little giddy inside (even though he would never admit it), Dick sunk into his chair, covering his face just as Wally draped an arm around his shoulders. The frown on Jason’s face deepened and a giggle escaped Dick’s lips. This whole situation was so childish that he couldn’t help but laugh.

Eyes twinkling with mischief, Wally finally looked at Dick. “Damn, he looks like he wants to bite my head off. What do you think he’d do if we danced together?”

“Oh no.”

“Oh, yes. Let’s take Beautiful and Love-struck for a ride, Dickie.” The redhead grinned and Dick did his best to suppress his laughter even though his shoulders were shaking.

“You really are the worst.”

“But you love me, Wonder Boy. Everyone does.” Wally winked.

Shaking his head, Dick decided to pay attention to the proceedings, especially because soon it would be his turn to give a speech. He just hoped he could get through it without laughing because he knew that Wally’s antics would not stop even if everyone was watching them.

Lord save his soul.

 

Once all the speeches were done and food was served, for the first time, instead of eating, Wally had dragged Dick to the dance floor. With one hand on Dick’s slender waist, the redhead kept him close, constantly whispering Jason’s reaction into his ear. Wally was enjoying this too much and even though Dick should have told his friend to give it a rest, a part of him was having fun as well.

The thing that got Dick was the fact that Jason had clearly not realized who Wally was. During their time together, unfortunately, the redhead was living in a whole other city and was too busy to drop by Gotham. Texts and phone calls were their way of keeping in touch but Dick had made it a point to tell Jason about Wally.

“You know,” Roy started, walking up to Dick as Kori danced with her father. “I was really confused by the way Wally was acting but then I noticed him staring at Jason and it all clicked.”

“Sorry about that.” Dick smiled sheepishly and Roy raised his eyebrow.

“Sorry? Watching Jason’s face turn red was the only thing that kept me awake during Ollie’s speech that seemed to go on for three days.” Roy snorted. “So what’s the plan now? Get him jealous until he tries to take you back?”

“What?” Dick asked, eyes widening. “Oh no! Wally’s just teasing.”

“But you see it don’t you?” Roy asked, glancing to where Jason was talking to Cass. “How much he still loves you?”

Hugging himself, Dick nodded.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Roy asked, looking back at Dick.

“I… I don’t know.”

“When I ran away from the love of my life, a wise person told me to talk things out and now, here I am, a married man.” Roy grinned, holding up his hand to show his wedding ring. “Your situation is much different from mine but who knows? Maybe the same advice could apply to you.”

“I thought you hated Jason,” Dick pointed out but the redhead shook his head.

“I never hated him. I was… annoyed with him but he’s not a bad person. You know that he isn’t and even I can see that he’s changing for the better. We all know the reason why.”

Blushing under Roy’s gaze, Dick looked away, feeling his heart race. Slyly, he glanced at Jason who was now laughing so freely, something he never did in front of others and a part of Dick was so glad. Another part wanted to be the reason for that laugh.

“I think Wally’s calling me. I’ll talk to you later,” Dick lied hurriedly, ready to run away before Roy could say another way but his friend knew.

Roy always knew. Smiling and nodding, he stepped aside, watching Dick as he practically ran away.

   
  


As the reception went on, needing a break, Dick decided to step outside to get some fresh air. When he reached for the doorknob so did someone else and that someone else just turned out to be Jason.

“We have got to stop meeting like this,” Jason said, lips twitching and Dick couldn’t help but smile.

“We would if you stopped following me.”

Pushing the door open, Jason stepped to the side to let Dick pass through first. “How did you see right through my plan, Dickie?”

Dick shrugged. “I guess I’m not just a pretty face.”

“No, you’re not. You’re definitely not.” Jason smiled, his voice a whisper.

There was something so intimate and loving about his tone that Dick felt a small shiver run up his spine, goosebumps rising across his skin. Ducking his head to hide his pink cheeks, he walked down the stone path with Jason, letting the cool wind calm his nerves.

“So,” Jason started, eyes on the stars above. “Where’s your date?”

“My date?” Dick asked.

“You know, the clingy redhead.”

Unable to help himself, Dick finally burst into laughter seeing the frown on Jason’s face, his jealousy so obvious. “That clingy redhead just so happens to be my best friend.”

Realization dawned on Jason and his cheeks heated up, sputtering until he cleared his throat and looked away. “That was Wally I presume. Seems like a nice guy.”

“Oh, Jay,” Dick finally stopped laughing. “You’re adorable you know that.”

Embarrassment clear on his face, Jason refused to meet Dick’s eyes and all the older wanted to do was pull his cheeks and coo at him. But he knew that the gesture would not be appreciated so he kept to himself. It was so rare to see Jason like this, childlike and innocent. Dick didn’t want anything to ruin the moment.

“Sorry,” Jason finally said. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s okay,” Dick whispered, resuming his walk.

Constantly, his eyes would flicker to Jason who was lost in his own thoughts, eyes downcast and even though he didn’t want to think about it, he remembered Roy’s words. Did they deserve a second chance? Could they try again now that they were in better places mentally? Or would the relationship be detrimental to their progress, forcing them to fall back into old habits? What if they weren’t right for each other?

There were so many things to think about, so many ways this could possibly end. But Dick also knew that he would constantly keep coming up with scenarios to convince himself they were bound to fail. Once burned, he was scared that history would repeat itself.

A part of him, such a big part of him, despite everything, wanted to try again.

“I was thinking,” both of them said at the same time and stopped when they realized that the other had something to say.

“You go first,” Dick said and Jason nodded.

Fingers clenched, eyes staring at the ground, the younger cleared his throat once and then twice before speaking. “I know that I messed up a lot in the past and hurt you. I was immature and in over my head, never realizing that I did more wrong than right. And I probably don’t even have a right to say any of this..”

He was blabbering, something he only did when he was nervous. Smiling, Dick took Jason’s hand in his. “It’s okay, Jay,” he whispered. “It’s okay to tell me that you love me.”

As if a burden was lifted from his shoulders, Jason let out a breath and nodded. “I love you, Dick.”

“I love you too, Jason,” Dick whispered, squeezing the younger’s hand.

“Okay, okay.” The younger nodded. “That’s good. So we both at least agree on one thing.”

Despite the confession, it was obvious that Jason was still nervous, worried that if he would mess things up again and Dick couldn’t help but smile at that. Cupping Jason’s face, he forced the younger to look at him.

“I think you should kiss me, Jay,” he said and Jason just nodded.

Without wasting a second, he leaned down and kissed Dick. Come tomorrow, they would sit down and talk, discuss what they could and could not be. For now, they lost themselves to the moment, thinking of nothing but each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally moving forward. Yaay? Or nay? I'll let you guys decide that.   
> Writing this fic was really an interesting journey because I'm so not used to this genre in particular. Teen Fiction and Drama has never been my forte but I'm kind of happy with the way things turned out. The story as a whole is much different than what I initially imagined it to be but I'm still happy.  
> Let me know what you guys think!


	10. Epilogue: Can We Kiss Forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Can We Kiss Forever by Kina ft Adriana Proenza

_Two Months Later_

 

Eyes stinging, Dick ran his fingers through his hair, exhausted after his session with Harley today. While therapy was doing good for him and on most days Dick left with a smile on his face, there were times when he felt like the world was crashing down around him. Opening up to someone had always been difficult for him and now he had to reveal his every secret, let someone prod inside his head. It just never got easy.

Unlocking the door, Dick stepped into his apartment, ready to fall into bed and just curl up in the warmth of his blankets. Maybe he would cry a little more, let the pain out and hope that his heart would feel lighter. But just as he threw his keys onto the coffee table, Jason emerged from his room.

“Hey,” his boyfriend whispered worried as he removed his glasses.

“I didn’t think I’d see you today,” Dick said, stepping into Jason’s arms, sighing happily as the younger’s warmth surrounded him.

“Finished work early so I thought I’d drop by,” Jason explained, stroking Dick’s head and making him smile.

While there was some truth to that statement, Dick knew that Jason came by to check on him the way he did after every therapy session. On days when he felt like he was falling apart, the younger was always there to help him collect each broken piece.

“I love you,” Dick whispered, kissing his boyfriend softly.

Smiling into the kiss, Jason stepped back, pulling Dick into the room and shutting the door with a kick. “So what do you want to do today?” he asked as they parted.

“I get to pick?”

“Yeah. We can do whatever you want.”

Dick hummed thoughtfully. “Well, in that case, I’d really like to take a nap right now and maybe later, after dinner, you can show me just how much you love me.”

“As you wish my king.” Jason grinned, tugging the older towards the bed.

Even though his heart ached, lying in Jason’s arms, wrapped in softness and love, Dick was the happiest he had ever been.

 

 

“Jay, please,” Dick whimpered as gentle fingers moved across the expanse of his toned chest, twisting his nipples and feeling his muscles.

A haze of pleasure overtaking his thoughts, Dick watched through half-lidded eyes as Jason pulled down his pants and boxers in one swift motion, throwing them to the side. Then he leaned down to kiss a path down Dick’s chest, pausing in short intervals to bite and suck, leaving behind his mark.

Heart hammering in his chest, Dick bit down own his lower lip, trying to keep himself quiet, slightly embarrassed by the sounds he was making but Jason shook his head. “You have to let me hear you, Dickie,” he whispered, running a finger over Dick’s lips. “You’ll do that for me, won’t you?”

With a nod, Dick whispered a low yes and let go of his lip, his body jolting as Jason chose that moment to touch his cock.

“You’re so good to me, Dickie,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss him. “So, so good.”

Surrendering himself to the sensations his body felt, Dick moaned into the kiss as the younger licked into his mouth, hips moving to the pace that Jason had set. Fingers tightened around his cock, thumb circling the tip, running over the slit, Jason’s tongue sucking his and Dick was all ready to fall apart.

Floating among white clouds, fire igniting in his veins, he reached out and touched Jason’s face and the younger smiled knowingly. “It’s okay, Dickie. I have you,” he assured. “I have you so you can let go.”

And that was enough for Dick to fall apart, eyes closed shut, hips bucking up, Jason’s name on the tip of his tongue. Tremors passed through his body and he was kissed through them all, reassuring hands rubbing into his skin.

“Okay?” Jason gently asked, lowering himself over Dick.

“Okay.” Dick nodded, spreading his legs to accommodate his lover.

Eyes fluttering shut, Dick gasped as a lubed finger pressed against his hole. “Okay?” Jason asked again and he just nodded, parting his lips only to let out a broken moan as the finger pushed in.

Gently, Jason took his time to work him open, listening to every sound intently, noticing the way Dick responded to every touch. “You’re ready for me?” he asked, aligning his cock against Dick’s twitching hole and the older nodded, unable to form words.

Pulled onto Jason’s lap, legs thrown over his shoulders, Dick let out a cry as something thicker than fingers pushed into him, filling him up completely. Though the sensation wasn’t new, whenever Jason touched him, it felt like the first time, unique and different but most of all, it felt right. They were two pieces of the same puzzle, fit together to make each other whole.

“Move, Jay,” Dick breathed and Jason slowly pulled back to thrust in again.

Starting slow, Jason slowly picked up the speed, setting a hard pace that made Dick’s eyes snap open with every thrust. He angled himself to brush against his boyfriend’s prostate every time he moved in, dragging out each pull to make sure he felt everything. Jason loved teasing, loved working Dick up until all he could feel was him but most of all, he loved making sure that his partner would come untouched.

Knowing exactly what made Dick tick, Jason grabbed the headboard, almost bending his boyfriend in half as he thrust in harder. “Come on, Dickie,” he grunted. “Come for me.”

And as if on command, Dick fell apart for the second time in the night, almost going pliant under Jason’s touch who continued to move, chasing his own orgasm. Feeling the aftershocks, Dick clenched around Jason and that was enough to make the younger come, eyes squeezing shut as he whispered his lover’s name.

“Kiss me,” Dick commanded, holding his arms out for Jason, wrapping him up as he leaned down, doing as told.

Making love was always an intimate act but it was only after that they saw their true selves. The innocent kisses they stole from one another, every gentle touch, that’s what defined them and those were the moments that Dick really looked forward to.

“I have you, Dickie,” Jason gently whispered into his ears and Dick smiled in his embrace.

“I know.”

 

 

With a cup of coffee in his hand, Dick smiled as he watched the sun rise, hues of orange spreading across the sky like wildfire. It wasn’t always that he got to see a view like this. But after what seemed like ages, he slept through the night, without waking up even once and when his eyes did open, he wasn’t as tired as he usually would be.

He could have gone back to sleep but the idea of seeing a sunrise after a long time was more tempting.

“Morning,” Jason whispered as he stepped out into the balcony, pressing a quick kiss against Dick’s lips.

“How come you’re up?” Dick asked.

Slightly embarrassed Jason looked away. “I could feel you gone.”

A wide grin spread across Dick’s face as he leaned closer to his boyfriend and the two of them watched the sunrise, warm light falling on their skin as the sky brightened, baby blue spreading across it in waves.

“Do you regret it?” Jason suddenly asked and Dick looked up confused.

“Regret what?”

“This. Us,” Jason clarified and while the impulsive thing would be to say no, Dick kept quiet.

“There are a lot of things I do regret,” he finally started. “I regret not seeking help before. I regret missing out on so many things because I was afraid and if I’m being honest, I regret the way we ended.”

Flinching, Jason looked down, his fingers tightening around the railing.

“But I’ve come to understand that some things happen for a reason. We parted and that’s okay because if we hadn’t, I would have never grown as a person. I would have never understood that I could be my own reason to smile.”

Turning his attention to Jason, Dick stroked the younger’s cheek and only continued speaking when they were looking at each other. “I regret a lot of things, Jay but I don’t regret you. Even if we didn’t realize it back then, we needed those two years apart but you’re here now and we have a whole lifetime to make up for all the time we’ve lost.”

“You can do so much better than me,” Jason whispered, stepping closer to Dick.

“No, Jay. You’re the one for me. You always have been. Back then you weren’t ready for me and I wasn’t ready for you,” Dick said, leaning his head against Jason’s.

“And now we’re ready?” Jason asked.

“I think so,” Dick answered. “I hope so.”

Smiling, Jason nodded. “And that’s enough for now.”

With the sun now high in the sky, Jason kissed Dick, knowing that even if the sky fell down, they’d find a way through it all. They had each other, they had trust and that would be enough for now, enough forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this fic, I had mixed feelings about what I wanted it to be and how I wanted things to develop (which is why my tags are such a mess). There was an idea to first make Jay and Dick friends with benefits who move on to have a relationship and while that would mean more sexy times (and more badly written smut on my part) it didn't feel right. I wanted to have a healthy development for these characters, one where they took the initiative to be better and while that might have resulted in a slightly boring storyline, I'm rather happy with it. They're mentally in a good place and even if their fictional characters, that is important to me. Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story from the beginning till the very end. Even if I wasn't able to reply to every single comment because I'm socially very awkward, I have appreciated every single one. They have encouraged me to keep writing so thank you so so much. That is the end of this rant. See you guys for the next fic?
> 
> P.S. - I have a [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/behindtherobinsmask) so come say hi?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it is I. I'm back with another cliche fic and as always, I can't promise you'll have fun with this but I'll try to throw in a little humor for all our sakes. Anyway, I hope I'm able to deliver a good story and you guys enjoy the ride!


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